Texas Smurf

Maya Eventov Paintings

2010-01-17T11:38:00.004-06:00

A gallery in the area is moving to a smaller location and has to liquidate a lot of their pieces. Because I know the owners I was allowed to come by the gallery and pick out anything I wanted at a discount. I found these amazing pieces by an artist named Maya Eventov.

I walked around the gallery for quite awhile and kept coming back to these. They're so "alive" to me and spoke to me on a very deep level. It's obvious by my own artwork that trees hold a special place with me. I couldn't decide which one, so I took both out on approval. I tried them on different walls to see if they would even work anywhere. I would walk around the house trying to decide which one to keep and in the end couldn't decide. So, I kept them both.

We haven't had any real direction for our Master Bedroom and these fit perfectly. Now we have something to pull inspiration from. One is already hanging in the bedroom, while the more vibrant one is hanging in the kitchen - the colors and size are perfect!

Every time I come around the corner and see one of them I smile. They're beautiful pieces with beautiful energy. The colors and texture in each one gives it so much depth that it feels like it's real - like you could touch the painting and become a part of it. Ok, I know this all sounds cheesy - especially for me, but I'm realizing it's hard to put into words how these paintings make me feel.

Multi-tasking and Death Machines

2010-01-09T08:24:00.000-06:00

While I have several habits I'm changing this year (notice I didn't say "resolutions"...that's because "resolutions" fail - I'm "making changes") the biggest and, I think, most important one is cell phone related.

I've decided that I will no longer use my phone in the car. Period. I will only use "hands free" when I can master voice dialing (which I'll practice at home, not in the car). My phone now stays in my pocket. If my phone rings, I ignore it until I stop somewhere (and that doesn't mean a stop light or stop sign). I'm just so fed up with all of the close calls I get driving to and from anywhere. I'm cut off numerous times a day, or get trapped behind that person driving 5-10 miles below the speed limit - or the person who doesn't realize the light turned green. EVERY SINGLE TIME, that person is either on the phone, dialing the phone, or text messaging.

I have a news flash for everyone. The average car weighs in at 2 tons (4000 pounds) - that doesn't begin to get into the SUV's and Uber-Trucks that are on the roads right now. It is a machine - a machine that has the ability to crush and maim other people or yourself. We all think we can drive well enough to multi-task while driving, but study after study after study have shown that a majority of accidents are caused by people multi-tasking behind the wheel. So, guess what - get over your pride and ego and realize that you're driving and controlling a very heavy, potentially deadly machine - it isn't an extension of you.

I admit I was one of the worst, but over the past year I've had to limit the multi-tasking more and more because I had to be on the lookout for all the other idiots as well as myself. It was too much to handle safely. And it dawned on me one day - what the hell is soooo important that it can't wait until I'm safely parked somewhere? There was a time - not so long ago, when cell phones didn't exist - or were rare. You don't have to take that call while maneuvering through town at 40-50 mph. If it really can't wait, then pull into a parking lot somewhere and call the person back (there's a crazy feature on all phones that actually tells you who called and most have a "call back" feature).

Please do the world a favor - yourself included - and put the phone in your pocket or bag while driving (and don't fish it out if it rings.) Since I've been doing it my rides have been a little less stressful and it allows me to pay attention to all of the other idiots out there multi-tasking in their death machines.

It's 2010 y'all!

2010-01-09T07:46:00.003-06:00

Another decade down - amazing!

Let's get one thing out of the way...it's pronounced "twenty ten". In 1910 they didn't say "one thousand nine hundred ten". It was "nineteen ten". Sure, maybe a few centuries ago it was "the year of our Lord one thousand five hundred ten", but especially in the age of texting and tweeting everything should be done in as few syllables as possible. So, say it with me, "twenty ten". Don't be the douchebag that says "two thousand ten" - you will be laughed at - and not just by me.

And before I start getting comments saying, "well they also said 'nineteen-o-five' when we said 'two thousand five'." Bite me - besides the fact that we're a lazy society and need to use as few syllables as possible, it just sounds cooler to say "twenty ten."

I'm Back...for real this time...

2010-01-09T07:35:00.003-06:00

Wow - so much has happened in the past few months. We bought a house, fixed it up, had a very successful housewarming/holiday party, went to Disneyland, faced the holidays (especially hard for Mark this year since weather prevented him from going home). Now it's 2010.

I seem to have replaced my blog with Facebook, which at first I enjoyed. Now, not so much. It seems I've actually missed blogging. I quit when I felt like I couldn't write what I wanted because I was trying to protect people around me. Those events consumed so much of my life that it felt like there wasn't anything else to write about. I would find myself sitting here staring at the screen, blank. Nothing would materialize - so I decided it was time to "take a break."

That break turned into a year with a very pathetic attempt at starting up again back in August. Pathetic attempts are over with now. Looking back at old entries I've realized that Facebook is not a replacement for blogging. So many people I know have retired from the blog world, but I'm betting it'll make a come-back. So, in that vein, I'm starting it back up - and this time for real.

Just messing around

2009-08-22T22:28:00.000-06:00

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in the meantime...

2009-07-14T14:51:00.003-06:00

I know I need to post - there's plenty to write about, but since I was asked to post the link to Mark's new blog, I will.

Zeitzeuge Redux

Maybe I'll write a little sumpin' sumpin' tonight.

The Loft thing

2009-07-09T19:43:00.003-06:00

So, here's the thing...and I've had a few drinks, so I'm sorry if this gets a little rambly and confusing. We found this loft to go look at. It's right down the street, has a separate bedroom, 2 baths, and a gorgeous view of downtown. The building is cool and so is the space...with a few "taste" upgrades. So, we scheduled to meet with the listing realtor...she sent her husband and "partner."

After spending a good amount of time looking, he mentioned that the prior deal fell through because the building was no longer FHA approved. ????!!!!!?????...Ok, so we want an FHA loan. Apparently one tenant bought a 4th unit to expand his loft (must be nice) which rendered the property FHA DISapproved. The HOA had no idea that they would lose this status with his buying another loft, so ever since they've been in a battle to regain FHA status. That was disappointment #1.

THEN he mentions that the $255/mo HOA dues had an additional assessment fee attached to it because of the new elevator they put in...after reading the paperwork I discovered that this elevator that goes 2 floors cost them $150,000...WTF?!?!? That would be a total of $390/mo in HOA dues until "assessment was paid."

THEN we asked to see the rooftop deck (one of the selling points) to which he says, "oh, my wife hasn't allowed me up there yet." So, I thought I'd ask about another selling point - the extra storage downstairs...his response? "There's extra storage?" Hmmm...ok...so we made a laundry list of what needed to be done:

rip out the brick "wine storage" that looks like a firepit gone wrong and is not structural
fix up the secondary bath
buy shelving for the master closet
remove the hd projector and painted screen
add a "loftwall" for the second bedroom
paint all the walls
sand all of the beams
remove carpeting from section of bedroom
remove part of the built in shelving because it doesn't accommodate our living room
remove "maple" panels from refrigerator and replace with black or stainless

And yes, some of these things can be done after we get the place and down the road, but still, quite a bit more work than we want to do. $169k for 1588sf... Our budget isn't that high.

The realtor's wife (the principal) wrote me back and apologized for the confusion with everything. She said that they are in the process of working out the FHA thing and that the assessment was either already paid for or would be rolled into the seller's closing costs. I told her that if he would even think of $159k for it we would take another look with her to show us around the rest of the building.

I got an email this morning from her saying that she would contact the seller and haven't heard back, so I'm writing that one off. On the other hand our realtor emailed a couple of listings this morning - one great house in Lake Highlands (near White Rock Lake) that we absolutely love...so who knows where this journey will take us.

We aren't seriously planning on moving until the Fall, but if something were to come along in the meantime...it would just have to be a perfect fit and deal for us to take it right now.

Mark's Back

2009-07-08T19:04:00.002-06:00

Because Mark's started blogging again, it's been brought to my attention that I don't anymore. Sooo, the question is should I?

If there is actually a handful of people out there who are interested in my rambling, speak now or from now on you will only get Mark's side of the story! :)

I quit blogging because I felt like nobody really had any interest anymore. If I was wrong, then I'll happily start up daily ramblings again.

Goodbye Nora

2009-03-09T11:50:00.002-06:00

Nora passed away last night just before midnight. It's amazing to me how knowing someone like her so briefly changed my life so dramatically. She unlocked a part of me that I had tucked away for what I thought was forever. She made me realize that it shouldn't be locked away - not that I'm ready to share all of that, but it's what allowed and inspired the paintings.

She loved a good margarita, so at 4 we're closing the showroom and heading out to get one in her honor.

We all love you and will miss you!

Heading Home

2009-03-08T07:23:00.002-06:00

So no, Mark and I were specifically told not to dance together. We probably wouldn't have made it out alive - not everyone there is family. Not that family would be too keen on it anyway. However, it was a moot point becasue Mark and I stayed home while my parents went. We were completely exhausted and didn't want to move.

So, today we head home. I want to go by the cemetery here to visit Grandma and since we're out here I'd love to stop and see Granddaddy's grave in Shreveport, but that may take too much time out of the way. I know I'm anxious to get home and I can only imagine how Mark feels.

Everyone's still sleeping, so I don't think we'll make the 9:00 departure time we planned on. I think we all forgot about the stupid time change. I'm sitting here showered, dressed, and drinking coffee. Yeah, I'm ready to hit the road. I need to stop typing now...I sliced one of my fingers with an exacto knife yesterday, right on the tip. It's a little sore and this typing thing is starting to hurt.

Trip to Gorum

2009-03-07T07:38:00.000-06:00

So, we're in Gorum to help my parents move Grandma's stuff out of her house. I'm the first one up and I've made my coffee and am sitting here in disbelief at how long dial-up connections take. I guess I just didn't remember. I mean I knew it was slow, but damn! My first pot of coffee was finished brewing before the home page came up.

That's one thing about living so far in the middle of nowhere - you have to be patient. I'm not. At all. I attempted doing a couple of things on Facebook, but it was just ridiculous how long everything took to load. It's a different world out here. (I realize how pathetic this sounds.)

Tonight, Mark will get the privilage of experiencing a local dance. Uncle Charles, Grandma's brother, will be playing the fiddle tonight - and he's amazing to watch. The fun part will be watching Mark take in the gathering of people. Most of them I'm related to somehow. There are 3 main family names out here and I think ours outnumbers the others by quite a bit. Anyway, I haven't seen a lot of these people in years so it'll be fun. The last time Mark came out here with me, but he only got to meet Aunt Carmen, he didn't get the full "Gorum Experience."

I think he's approaching it from an anthropological point of view. He asked if there were banjos and my mom replied, "we don't have banjos, we use fiddles out here." It'll be an experience he'll never forget.

Hopefully we'll be going into Natchitoches today for lunch at Lasyonne's. We need meat pies and gumbo at some point. If not today then we'll have to do it on the way out of town tomorrow. But I have a craving - and Mark's been talking about it for two weeks now, so hopefully we'll go today.

I'll be sure to take pictures tonight!

Nora

2009-03-05T10:18:00.002-06:00

I've mentioned Nora before in my blog - pretty recently. She was the inspiration for my paintings. She had her surgery a few weeks ago to remove some cancer cells from just inside her skull. During this time she was off the chemo. While recovering from her surgery the cancer returned with a vengeance.

It has since spread into her spinal column and she has developed a type of non-contagious meningitis that can come with certain cancers. She is in the hospital on really good painkillers, but is also lucid. She has decided that she wants to go home with hospice care and let her family take care of her. Her goal is to build up enough strength to sit at her computer and tell her story.

She has realized that surrendering isn't about giving up, but about letting go. She is preparing herself to pass on to a place where she can take care of her friends and family here. She doesn't see this as and end, just a transformation. She is tired and has put up an incredible fight. She's ready to rest.

Oscars

2009-02-23T07:02:00.005-06:00

For the first time in years the Oscars were entertaining. They brought back a feeling of old Hollywood. I have to say though, I'm not crazy about runaways. I haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire because it actually doesn't interest me in the least, but that doesn't matter - I just don't see how, with all of the wonderful movies this year, it could win things like "Sound Mixing." I mean come on - it's like there's a box on the ballot that allows you to vote a straight ticket.

I'm so happy that Sean Penn won for Milk. I remember walking out of the theater saying, "he deserves the Oscar, hands down." His transformation reminded me of Charlize Theron in Monster. Not that Harvey Milk was a hideous serial killer, but that I forgot I was watching the actors on the screen. They completely became the people they portrayed and left every bit of themselves out of it. I didn't think he would win just because it didn't have the hype of some of the others, but I knew he deserved it more than the others. I actually clapped and threw my arms in the air when he won...I don't do that sort of thing.

Hugh Jackman did a great job as host. He's funny, hot as hell, and extremely talented. He was the perfect choice for bringing back the feel of old Hollywood. Overall, it's been years since I've been able to say this, but we really enjoyed all 8 hours of the ceremony. (Yes, it's still too long.)

Latest Painting

2009-02-22T18:38:00.002-06:00

Inspired by a walk through Greenwood Cemetery in Dallas.

Overheard in the Showroom

2009-02-16T16:18:00.001-06:00

Oh, I had to share - this was too funny...

An anonymous designer said today,

Remind me to tell you the story someday of the drapery installer and the dildo. I'm writing a book.

And it was left at that. I'm dying to hear the rest!

Ella's Dance

2009-02-10T06:32:00.002-06:00

My niece decided she needed to dance to "Life is a Highway." It's pretty cute.

Gorum Trees

2009-02-07T23:32:00.003-06:00

Here's the most recent painting. It's taken from the same photo of trees as "Grandma's Trees." Gorum, LA is hidden away in a National Forest in Central Louisiana. This is a small guy at 20x16...I think I prefer working on the larger pieces, but I like the way this one turned out.

Star Wars/John Williams Tribute

2009-02-07T07:08:00.003-06:00

So, I came across this video on the internet, if you've seen it you'll agree it's funny. The kid (ok, he's 21) in this video has quite a few videos on YouTube (in fact, now he's paid by YouTube to make them.) His name is Corey Vidal and he's very open about the fact that he's lip-synching. The original group who wrote and sang this is called Moosebutter. He had their blessing to do the video and they loved it - in fact they're collaborating on more videos.

Because of copyright issues Warner Bros has removed the original upload from YouTube, but there are still some copies out there. If the embedded video doesn't work, click here to see it on Facebook in really high quality.

Here are a few FAQ's about the song and video from Moosebutter's blog:

FAQ About Star Wars - there's a lot of confusion about the origin of the Star Wars song, since many people are attributing it solely to Corey Vidal. Here is information to clear up the mis-information, which we have little hope that the people who need it will read it.

Music is from 6 different not-Star Wars movies, all written by John Williams.

Words are paraphrased or directly from the original Star Wars trilogy, by George Lucas, et al.

Song was arranged spring 1999 by Josh Slagowski and Bryant Smith, original members of moosebutter, in Salt Lake City, UT. Parts were re-arranged later by Mister Tim (Tim Y. Jones)

Song was recorded in 2000 by Josh, Bryant, and Tim, and re-recorded in 2002 by Tim, Chris, Glen, and Weston, the new cast of moosebutter.

There have been almost 50 different cast members of moosebutter since 1999, including subs and special guests. About half of those have sung Star Wars.

Corey Vidal contacted us in summer 2008 to ask permission to produce his video. We said yes.

WHAM BAM internet explosion.

Corey is lip-synching to the 2002 studio recording of moosebutter. It was recorded at June Audio, Provo, UT. Corey filmed his video in his kitchen.

moosebutter filmed their response video in November 2008. Corey was the most vocal supporter of us producing the new video, and he graciously posted it to his popular YouTube channel to generate more views.

At the time of posting, Corey's video has more than 3.2 million more views than moosebutter's. That's because Corey is cuter, and smells better.

Eli Update

2009-02-04T18:08:00.001-06:00

Elijah's brain is good! He will wear an eye patch for the next two weeks to see if it corrects itself.

Elijah's MRI

2009-02-04T09:01:00.004-06:00

This morning, Elijah, my nephew is having an MRI. Suddenly last week he started having double vision and one eye started to get lazy. The doctors aren't sure what's going on. It isn't worse, but it isn't getting better. He's been wearing an eye patch to help the lazy eye get stronger. I mentioned that he gets to be a pirate...yeah, he's tired of the patch. I don't think he wants to be a pirate now.

Please send all of the positive energy, prayers, etc (whatever you believe in) that he's ok. I've attached this particular picture because it's how I'm imagining him facing whatever is going on - anything that will help. We should know something tonight.

Lose It

2009-02-04T06:43:00.002-06:00

There's an iphone app I discovered that I have to share - "Lose It". It's a free app that figures out how many calories you need to consume to maintain your weight and how you should consume to lose.

The fun part is that it counts down for you throughout the day. You just enter what you eat and it figures it for you. A lot of name brand and restaurants are in there already, but what isn't in there you can input and it saves it as one of "Your Foods".

Because I mix my own creamer blend and drink 32 oz or so of coffee, I have "Steven's Coffee" set so I don't have to enter everything that goes into it individually everyday. It also remembers common meals you have so you can quickly plug them in.

Then, there's a graph and chart showing how long it will take to reach your goal weight and how many you've used and have left. There are two customizable features that are cool too. You can set it to also record fat, fiber, etc if you want to figure points (there's no point calculator), and you can input exercise and it'll figure that in. (I don't use that part.)

Grandma's Trees

2009-02-01T22:32:00.004-06:00

Here's the newest painting. I started it on the 1 year anniversary of my grandmother's death. The trees are taken from a picture I took standing on her screened in porch. The colors aren't really my style, but were dictated by the impression she left on my life. I won't go into too much detail about the meaning behind it all, but here's a couple of major things...

The colors are bold and strong like she was. She had an amazing personality and presence. I knew when I went into this painting that it had to be large and bold.

The trees are black to resemble stained glass lead. She was Catholic and she loved the stained glass windows of the cathedrals. It also conjures up memories of going to church with her on occasion when we would stay with her as kids.

The entire time I was working on this piece memories were just flooding my brain, and I could find some correlation to the painting - without really trying. It was almost as if she were standing over my shoulder directing me - and believe me, that's a very strong possibility. In fact, I thought I was finished with it earlier today, but then realized that the purple blended in with the black too much.

My first instinct was to set it aside and deal with it later. I was ready to start working on the next one. Then I could hear her tell me to finish it...she wasn't a big fan of leaving things unfinished. So, since I was out of purple I mixed my own until it was just right and sat here and repainted it. I'm glad I did.

I feel like everything I've been holding in for the past year I was able to release into this painting. I also feel her presence very strongly in it. Unfortunately I now have a 4'x3' painting that I don't know what to do with...it doesn't really go with our decor. Oh, and the next painting won't be nearly as large.

Funniest Commercial Ever

2009-01-30T07:01:00.003-06:00

Ok, I think this is the funniest commercial I've ever seen. I've been waiting to be able to find it on You Tube, but it took awhile. Warning: If you have no sense of humor about sex then don't watch it. For everyone else - Enjoy!

And here are the outtakes - almost better than the original...

Starry Night Comes to Life

2009-01-29T06:25:00.003-06:00

First of all, thank you Gary for sending this to me - it was very interesting to watch. First of all, let's look at the original...

Now, watch the video...

Thank you

2009-01-29T05:59:00.003-06:00

Thank you for the response to my painting! Several of you came out of the woodwork to comment - some I've never heard from, and I really appreciate that. To answer a question -

Yes, at some point I will make these available commercially. I have about 3 or 4 completed ones in my head already and I'm almost halfway finished with the second painting. But, before I ever sell any I'm going to be developing my skills and techniques. The first two pieces are rather large, so I'm going to buy some smaller canvases to play with different ideas.

It'll also take a little time because I'm working on building a foundation in Grandma's name. A percentage of the profits will go to that foundation, which will make an annual contribution to several cancer research organizations. But, I have to make sure it doesn't interfere with anything in her will, and get all of the legal stuff straightened out first.

Just as an update - Nora had her brain surgery yesterday. They got what they went in there for, but noticed a branch of the cancer cells heading into her spinal column. They tried to remove it, but there was too much bleeding. Right now she's doing fine and faces a hard decision - continue with radiation, if possible, or just stick with the homeopathic stuff and let nature do its thing. There's a lot of thinking and praying to do. But the good news is they got what they came for and that she's doing well.

Icy Weather

2009-01-28T07:53:00.002-06:00

So, the ice is about a 1/4" thick on the roads today. It's below freezing with a windchill of about 12 degrees. It will get up to 45 by noon, so we'll all be going in to work around then. Mark went back to bed, I'm up and - OH SHIT - I need to make coffee...

That was a close one! Mark's up now - he'll be going in at noon too...or staying home...we don't know. Last night I started my Grandma's painting. I'm very excited about, so I'll probably work on that for a couple of hours.

Anyhoo...nothing exciting - just waiting for the ice to melt.

Winter Lace

2009-01-26T22:40:00.003-06:00

The first of many to come. I have a whole series running in my head and if it continues there's no end for awhile. This is the first and has long story behind it. It's the culmination of a lot of years of artistic blockage, a lot of anger, some resolution, emotions in general, painful recovery, lessons learned - forgotten - and relearned, deaths and illnesses, relationships old and new, tearing down and rebuilding, and suddenly - epiphany thanks to Nora and Mark.

I have always loved a bare tree in Winter. It's just so exposed - nothing to hide. I get lost in the branches - it's the only time I really feel peaceful (it doesn't have to be Winter - but those are the best ones.) It's the closest I ever get to meditating anymore. Anyway, I've been lost artistically, but knew I wanted to do something related to trees. Hmm...

I had no medium - no outlet. I thought maybe quilting? I love quilts - not only because they're comfortable as hell but I see a lot of symbolism in piecing together all of those little pieces to form a larger picture - like a mosaic. Hmmm...

Still stumped as to what I should do. I didn't feel like I could paint - why should I? My limited attempts were never very successful. But, there were three blank canvases sitting in our storage area and a place on the wall above the TV. Hmmmm...

Then I read a post by Nora called Winter Lace. It was a very emotional blog post for me personally and came at the right time. After a couple of emails with her things were starting to roll. Nora has been battling Cancer for several years now and is having her second brain surgery Wednesday. She's a very strong, very inspirational person - a presence I hadn't felt since Grandma passed away a year ago this week. Hmmmmm...

I started the painting. It's my Winter Lace. While in the planning stage Mark said, what about doing different colors in different spaces instead of the negative space being all one color. I turned to him and said, "like a quilt." And then I got excited. I just got focused and went with it. There are so many options - so many design/pattern/color/shape/size options available. I think I'll be busy for awhile. Who knows - after I have a pile of these things laying around maybe someone will actually want to buy one...

Everyone beware - I have years of "stuff" to paint about - I'm finally unblocked!!!

Giving Back

2009-01-26T07:07:00.003-06:00

Abe's (center) "Cherry Ride"

I've been looking into different ways to help injured veterans. I think I've finally decided on Rebuild Hope and USA Together. They allow you to choose the soldier/family you want to help and let you send either money or needed items. While I was looking for ways to help and give back I heard this story on NPR about Veterans turning to online help because the military doesn't take care of everything. I decided that's what I needed to do.

So, this next paycheck I'm going to start budgeting for regular donations to a couple of specific veterans. I just haven't done enough.

Another good site that has lots of different ways to help soldiers that are currently serving is Soldiers' Angels. It has anything from sending birthday cakes and cell phones to fostering pets while soldiers are in Iraq.

I don't know what sparked this sudden need to give. I think it's a combination of it being more personal with Abe and Ersan in Iraq and new hope for the future. Yes, Obama has had that effect on me I have to admit. For the first time in years I feel hopeful for our government and our future.

I guess it doesn't really matter what caused it - what matters is that I've turned that corner. Now I just need to get paid...

Trimming the Fat

2009-01-22T21:30:00.002-06:00

Looks like things are getting back to normal. Allergy symptoms are all but gone and I feel great.

I filed my taxes today. I get a decent little refund which, as much as I would like to buy some glass, is going to bills. Mark and I have budgeted out for the next few months and our goal is to have most of our debt paid down by the time for our trip to San Francisco in June. The catch to that of course is that we don't have spending money in the meantime.

I know that given the economy we're sitting pretty good overall and I shouldn't complain about not having spending money because we can pay our bills and still pay down debt. There are many out there that can't even pay their bills, much less get out of debt. We have just both always enjoyed shopping so much and it's a big part of our lives that we are learning to live without, but again I'm grateful for what I have and what I'm able to do.

I'm looking into where I can trim even more fat so I can start to give to people less fortunate. It's not that I have extra money to give, but when I see that there are people much worse off than myself I have a hard time complaining about not getting to buy some piece of glass I've had my eye on. Not that I can afford to buy glass right now anyway, but I can cut some more corners somewhere.

HUGE allergic reaction

2009-01-22T06:58:00.002-06:00

Well, Tuesday evening I went in for a follow up shot where they up the dose more to get me closer to the maintenance dose. I sat there for the 20 minutes they require and headed home. About 2 minutes down the road my eyes started itching. I figured they'd just pumped me full of allergens, so that would be expected.

By the time I got home my eyes were swelling and itching more. I took some Benadryl and used some antihistamine eye drops. It wasn't getting much better. I have always been told that I'm over-dramatic, so it seems that when something really does start going wrong I get really stubborn (I waited 3 days before I went in for an emergency appendectomy a few years ago.) Although my symptoms seemed to be getting worse, I kept telling myself it would pass.

While I was fixing something to eat I started coughing. My chest and throat were tightening. I went ahead and ate because I still didn't want to overreact - one thing I'm accused of doing often. I figured having a huge allergic reaction would be considered drama. I told Mark I was going to lie down for a bit. He looked very concerned and asked if I thought we should go to the hospital. I told him I felt like it wasn't getting much worse.

When I lay on the couch my breathing became more constricted. It was 6:45 and the allergy place closed at 7:00. I called them and they told me to get there immediately. When I got there they gave me a breathing treatment, steroids, antihistamines, epi shot. I sat there for about an hour with Mark, my doctor, and nurse - everyone else in the clinic had gone.

She gave me a prescription for an EpiPen and an inhaler - just in case. So, next time they'll lower the dose dramatically and I'll sit there a little longer. This was Tuesday night and I'm just now starting to feel normal again - actually better than normal. All of this makes me very excited to go back next week and do it again!

Allergy Update

2009-01-20T06:23:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I spent all morning Friday getting shots. Not only was I black and blue, I was extremely swollen and itchy as well. Yesterday was much better and so far today even better. There's still a little swelling around my elbows, but for the most part it's gone.

I have to go in this week to get 4 more shots and then I'm up to my regular dose. I'll go once a week, but only get two shots - one in each arm. One arm is molds and dust and the second one is pollen. Hell, I might go do that this morning before work - that way I can get it over with!

But as far as whether or not it works? I haven't sneezed or had itchy eyes or been stopped up since I started all of this. It feels great. Right now I'm just getting used to the Allegra she put me on - it makes me a little loopy.

Inauguration

2009-01-20T06:08:00.003-06:00

This is one of my favorite pictures of Barack Obama. I am so excited today that I can hardly keep still. I see hope - something I haven't seen from Bush ever. The things he's accomplished so far before even being inaugurated are unprecedented. He hit the ground running and isn't looking back.

For the first time in a long time people are interested in politics again. It's exciting. I hate politics in general, but this man inspires me unlike any other politician I've seen. He's made me excited again, but most of all hopeful - anyone who knows me personally will know that neither of those words (excited, hopeful) are used to describe me.

Today at work I'll have cnn streaming on my computer and yes, I'll probably cry a little. I didn't realize how moved I was by everything until the other night when I was watching insert Nightly News program here. Every time they would show Obama and his family or show him speaking, I would get choked up. That's how much I hope I have - so much that I have trouble containing my emotions when I listen to him speak. Or, maybe I need to up a medication, but I think it's the former. I think he's the first genuine President we've had in decades.

Dallas isn't that bad...

2009-01-17T08:09:00.003-06:00

Taken this morning from our roof

So, I get asked a lot, "Why do you love Dallas so much?" "What's so great about Dallas?" So, when I found this little "Dallas Fun Facts" in a newspaper I thought I'd share. These aren't the reasons I love living here - I didn't know some of this stuff. However, maybe it'll make Dallas seem a little more interesting than some people think it is.

**Dallas has four times more restaurants per capita than New York City

**Six Flags Over Texas is larger than Disneyland

**Dallas has the largest urban arts district in America (I'll have to take some pictures of the amazing progress in that area.)

**The largest model train display in America is in the lobby of the Dallas Children's Medical Center

**Dallas has the world's largest bronze monument, standing at the Dallas Convention Center, with more than 40 bigger-than-life longhorn steers, horses, and cowboys. (Right down the street from us - I love it!)

**The integrated circuit computer chip was invented in Dallas

**The Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Garden has the largest public selection of azaleas in the U.S.

**Dallas has more shopping centers per capita than any other major U.S. city

**The Dallas Public Library in downtown has on display on of the original copies of the Declaration of Independence.

**The frozen margarita was invented in Dallas

**Dallas is home to two of the top airlines for service and quality, American and Southwest.

**There are more non-stop flights to Dallas from more U.S. cities than to any other airport in the world.

**There are 50,000 acres of public park land and over 60 lakes within a 100-mile radius of the city.

**The McKinney Avenue Trolley, which operates daily, is the largest volunteer-run system in the world.

Writing all of this has made me want to expand on this stuff, take pictures, etc. Not all of it, but some of it - like the bronze sculpture, the shopping and restaurants, the Arts District. I'll have to get out there and take some pictures, because even though I could find them on the internet, it's more personal if I take them myself.

Disney Geeked Car

2009-01-15T08:31:00.003-06:00

Ok, the car is now geeked out. I bought the Mickey when we were at Disneyland and put it on my car right after our last trip, but they were out of the dog stickers so I had to get those online. I had to take off my Obama sticker to put them on there, but I'll either get another one or just use the bumper magnet - it's just a little big.

Anyway, Mark has the 2 "Dads" and the "Dog" on his car too...for those of you that don't know, he doesn't put stickers on his car - ever. His dad abhorred them and instilled that in Mark. So - this is a big deal for him to do it. I on the other hand have always had stickers on my car. Hell, in HS I had them all over. Now this is all I have which I consider extremely conservative. Stickers are relegated to this one window and that's all.

The only other "personalization" we have on our cars is a license plate cover of the Bear Flag. Not that anyone other than Mark and I care about this...

Shit - now that I look at the overall picture I want to change it...I'm gonna have to order more stickers dammit!

CONDOMS ARE BACK!

2009-01-14T06:46:00.004-06:00

It's about time Dallas County commissioners came to their senses. They have finally lifted a ban on distribution of free condoms. In 1995 the county commissioners voted on the ban saying it encouraged immorality (a little more conservative than usual for this county.) They decided instead that county officials needed to stress abstinence.

In 2006-2007, Dallas County had the largest number of HIV infections in the state (oh yeah - we've been the only county in the state with this ban for awhile.) The council finally realized that maybe abstinence education doesn't work. It was a close shave though. The vote was 3-2, but I don't care - it passed. I remember the days when people would be in front of bars and clubs distributing condoms, then they just disappeared.

The county says it will distribute them only in high-risk areas and will only go where they're wanted (not to schools unless the school district requests it.) So, for all of the conservatives out there that foolishly believe that abstinence education works - your children are still safe from exposure to and education about safe sex and condoms. I know people don't want to admit that their children are having sex, but judging by the number of teenage mothers and teens with STD's, something tells me that they are. These kids need condoms to be made available. Believe me, condoms don't put the thoughts of sex in their heads - those thoughts are already there.

Full Story from the Dallas Morning News

Allergy Report

2009-01-13T13:18:00.002-06:00

So, what am I allergic to? Here's a list along with the rating system:

+ Reactive
++ Slightly Allergic
+++ Very Allergic
++++ Highly Allergic

Giant Ragweed ++
Marsh Elder ++++
Carelessweed +++
Hackberry ++
Cedar ++++
Cottonwood +++
Feathers ++++
Cat Hair ++++
Cockroach +++
Dust Mite Pteronysinus ++++
Dust Mite Farinae ++++
Lambs Quarter (weed) +++
Alternaria (mold) ++++
Aspergillus (fungus) ++
Helminthosporium (mold) +

So basically - stay away from dust, trees, cats, feathers, and mold. Hmmm...live in an old converted loft, work in a showroom with a dusty warehouse and 4 cats...yep - I need shots.

Friday I start a regimen called RUSH Immunology. I'll go in to the doctor and over a period of about 4 hours I'll be given lots of shots (with waiting periods in between) that will bring me to the maintenance dose in a day instead of a month. Then, I just have to go once a week for a bit before going once a month, which I'll continue for at least 3-5 years. The advantage is a smaller frequency of office visits and faster and better results.

She said they've come a long way and to throw out what I believe about shots and their effectiveness. She said that the problem most people have is that they either miss an office visit or just stop completely. I'm dedicated. I've spent 30 years dealing with year-round allergies - I can dedicate 3-5 years to eradicating them. And she said that this isn't just "treatment", but a cure. It's just a long, slow process.

Allergy Update

2009-01-13T07:10:00.005-06:00

I thought this was a lovely picture of a sneeze caught on camera. :)

So, they did the first of two allergy tests yesterday morning. They put about 20 drops of different allergens on my back and then pricked each one. It didn't hurt, but it was very annoying - kind of like a tattoo...you reach a point where you just want to hit the person. Then I lay there on the bed for twenty minutes and see what reacts.

The fun part is that the ones I was most allergic to and had the biggest reaction to were in the center of my back. So, the rest of the day I had what felt like a giant, itchy mosquito bite in the middle of my back, riiiiiiight out of reach. The test results...every kind of dust known to man. I glanced at the list and saw Cockroach...um they put Cockroach shit on my back...great! I went through the rest of the day at work with that image in my head.

So, she gave me a prescription nasal spray and told me to use a NeilMed Sinus Wash which I happened to already have - I just don't like using it. So, I used that last night and this morning and feel a little better. Time is the test though - yesterday I was a mouth-breather most of the day...I can't stand mouth-breathers!

Today I get to go back for the second round of testing - the needles in the arms...

This is not me...

What's up with so many posts...

2009-01-13T07:00:00.002-06:00

Yeah, so yesterday I wrote 5 or 6 posts. It started off as one ginormous post and I realized it was more "rambly" than usual. Someone once told me that people don't really like reading long posts (I usually don't read more than 3 or 4 paragraphs.) So, I decided to break it up.

No, I wasn't making up for lost time - although I'm sure I should. I know I haven't been there like I should and even want to. There are so many times that I come across something to post or write about but just figure I'll write about it later in the day or something. Then I completely forget about it.

So, now there will probably be more frequent, shorter posts. Some days may have none and some days may have 5 - there are no rules. They may be linked somehow or totally disjointed. Who knows. Some will be political, some will be observations, some will be bitch sessions (probably either about stupid parents or stupid people in general.) I don't know. What I do know is that I'm back.

About Market

2009-01-12T07:03:00.002-06:00

About Market - UGH! But here's why...Market is when people come from BFE Oklahoma, Louisiana, New Mexico, Kansas, Arkansas, and the far reaches of Texas and they descend on Dallas to find the latest in home accessories. Well, Market Center is just down the street and since we're in the heart of the Design District they typically wander into our showroom.

Overall, it's fine. But, occasionally we get that one person who comes in from some swamp or mining town and takes up hours of time and never actually buys anything because where they're from they can't imagine spending more than $5/sf for tile. In the past 3 years (which is about 6 Markets I think) I have developed 2 very good clients - one from Kansas and one from New Mexico. In fact, they will probably "drop in" at some point this week. They're great people, and I love working with them - but out of all of the people I've seen and worked with during Market, to only have 2 that I work with still - those aren't good odds. And as far as I know I'm the only one who has that many.

So, overall, Market Week is not something we look forward to. I'm hoping that this one is different, but with the economy the way it is you never know. Our business is picking back up, but that's the Dallas consumer - I don't know that that'll apply to everyone else. Time will tell.

Movies

2009-01-12T06:23:00.001-06:00

We went to a 10:00 showing of Benjamin Buttons after breakfast. It was a wonderful movie and very moving at times. I remember tears building or rolling down my cheeks on several occasions, but sometimes it was happy and sometimes sad.

Some of the harder parts were with Cate Blanchett dying in the hospital - I'm not giving anything away, it's how the movie opens. She's about 100 and just slowly dying. It was hard to watch with reminders of watching grandma die in a similar way - she was just younger. I love Cate, but I have to say this is not one of my favorite roles. I don't know if it was the accent or the character - still figuring that one out. Maybe it was a little of both.

Brad Pitt was absolutely amazing - and beautiful. He really should do more nude scenes. (I'm talking about the 30's/40's Brad, not the older one with all the make-up. That would be creepy, but his acting is great!

After 3 hours of on-again off-again crying we needed something light. So, we bought tickets for Bride Wars. After doing a little shopping at Macy's, we showed up at the theatre about 20 or so minutes before. The theatre was empty except for another gay couple, so we got our usual seats (on opening weekend I usually like to get there 30-45 minutes ahead, but it was a Sunday, so we took the risk.) I knew one of the other guys from work - he's a designer that we work/gossip with on a regular basis.

The theatre was nice and quiet until about 10 minutes later when gaggles of giggly girls strolled in. The most annoying sound to me in the world, other than a sudden shrill shriek of a toddler, is the sound of "girl chatter". Talks of sororities and boys and whatever else permeated the room. I don't know when I've heard the word "like" used so many times in one place. I couldn't wait for the damn movie to start!

It was a cute movie - nothing to write home about. Wasn't as good as Devil Wears Prada or 27 Dresses, but it was funny at times, sappy at others and 100% predictable. But, at the same time the past four movies we've seen in a theatre were very heavy, so fluff was good. And, because I tend to like fluff every now and then I will be adding it to the collection.

When the credits rolled Mark said he felt like he needed testosterone shots or something. I told him we could go build something or drink a beer and pick a fight...

We went home and cleaned.

Macy's on a Sunday

2009-01-12T06:22:00.002-06:00

In between movies, we wandered down to Macy's to roam for irresistible bargains. I found a pair of pants that were pretty cool - until I put them on. The back pockets pretty much did a disappearing act on my ass. That always pisses me off, because it's the one thing I found that I was remotely interested in that wasn't over $80 (trying to conserve.) Of course there were things I wanted, but even on sale, I just don't want to spend $200-$400 on a jacket right now. But we always enjoy wandering and always go look at "our" glass case that we want. It was on sale for $1000 with a "no tax" sale on top of that. Normally that thing is $1200 but - we resisted.

The weird thing about Macy's on a Sunday is that it turns into not only a gay shopping experience, but more specifically a Bear shopping experience. We ran into Brian and his new "un-partner" (he says they aren't partnered, but signs say otherwise.) They were shopping for Market this week (ugh, Market - I'll explain that one in a minute.) - you should dress to impress. Anyway, everywhere I turned there were more bears. It was very weird.

Not that I'm not used to it - it's a phenomenon that I've noticed many times, it just strikes me as funny every time. Northpark Mall is a very gay mall, in general. Why? Because it has all of the big-name designer "boutiques", Neimans, Barneys, etc... The only other mall in Dallas that any self-respecting gay man will shop at is the Galleria, but that's for the gays to the North. Neither of these malls has or will ever have a "Spencer Gifts." They're great places for people watching - it's where Dallas Money goes when they want to shop.

Bronchitis? Really?

2009-01-12T06:08:00.004-06:00

Well, joy! I think I've developed Bronchitis from letting my allergies get out of hand. It started Saturday with a really little, shallow cough. By yesterday morning it was a little more frequent and as the day went on developed a little rattle.

I could feel it building in the movie theatre as we sat for almost 5 hours of movies - Benjamin Button and Bride Wars. When we got home we needed to clean - of course that got everything moving around and stirred the allergies up even more. By early afternoon I had the full coughing fits going on. I haven't made it to the wheezing rattle yet when I breathe, but hopefully the allergy doc can give me something to help with that (she also does Internal Medicine.)

I need my allergy medication!!!

2009-01-11T07:28:00.002-06:00

This has been a bad week. Not because anything in particular happened, but because I couldn't take any allergy medication. Tomorrow morning I get to go to the allergy doctor. Because of allergy testing I can't have any antihistamines in my system. For someone who is seemingly allergic to anything and everything and who takes Claritin-D every morning - this is no small task.

I'm allergic to animal dander - I live with a dog and work with 4 cats. I'm allergic to dust and have been cleaning this week. I'm allergic to anything that can move through the wind - it's been a windy week. And the list goes on. I've gone through 3 boxes of Kleenex this week.

Last night was probably the worst because my eyes were itching and burning so bad. Mark and I were laying on the couch watching Underworld (gearing up for the 3rd) and tears would just pour out. No, I wasn't so moved by the battle between Vampires and Lycans on the screen - it was my stupid allergies.

So, as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm looking forward to what this day has to bring me. We're gonna go to Mama's for our ritual Sunday breakfast as soon as Mark gets up (I'm not allowed to wake him until 9am - I wake up naturally at 6:30 - ugh) and then maybe try to see a movie. We have so many to catch up on. Hopefully with nose spray and kleenex in my pockets I can hold off any sneezing fit.

When we get back home we have to clean some more. There are things from last weekend that need to actually be thrown out and honestly I haven't had the energy or desire this week, but we'll do it today. Neither one of us can go into a week with a dirty house. It just puts both of us in bad moods.

So, cross your fingers that tomorrow morning the allergy doc will give me the ok to get back on allergy medication until they can figure out what should be done. I'm really hoping for regular allergy shots to knock that crap out - I hate taking Claritin-D. It reminds me too much of doing meth and/or coke. It's funny, I never thought that much about it, but since I haven't been taking it daily my cravings have decreased dramatically...everyone pray for allergy shots!

Sobering thought

2009-01-06T06:45:00.005-06:00

Just a moment of reflection. I had a reminder this morning that I have it pretty good. The most I can bitch about right now is the weather and my allergies. Other than that my life is pretty easy.

I have two friends in Iraq right now - that makes them sound more like acquaintances when in reality both of them are more like brothers to me. One of them, Abe, I've known for 26 or so years (I'm 33 so that's about 80% of my life.) The other one, Ersan, I've known for about 15 years. Ersan is two years younger than I am and has been like a little brother to me from day one, so naturally I have very protective feelings for him.

Anyway - our group from HS is planning our annual get-together and Abe is in on the emails even though he will be in Iraq at the time. He makes comments occasionally, suggesting Baghdad and Iraq as great vacationing spots. While he's very funny and makes me laugh, it's a very sobering reminder of what they do all day compared to what I do all day. Abe flies helicopters around Iraq and Ersan is an RN at Camp Bucca. I sell tile and bitch about traffic, my knee, allergies, weather, my back...I really have nothing I should be bitching about. Two people I consider to be closest to me are in Iraq doing jobs that I would never do - and they're doing it proudly.

So, today I'm gonna try to make it through the day without bitching (I can't think of one day in my life that that's happened.) But, if I start I'm going to think of Abe and Ersan and remember that I have nothing to bitch about.

Me Sitting in Abe's Lap

Me and Ersan

(I love you guys and miss you!)

Pinkalicious New Year

2009-01-02T09:42:00.003-06:00

I'm a day late, but Happy New Year! Wednesday evening was spent in the company of bears at a party in BFE Carrollton. If you can't tell from the pictures below, the theme was PINK. Mark and I had to run by Macy's beforehand to pick up a couple of pink shirts - not a normal color in our wardrobes.

We had a great time even if there were about 400+ bears crammed into a house and backyard. Normally I can't handle that, but it was a really good time.

New Design

2008-12-30T07:05:00.003-06:00

Quick post, but for some reason I decided to make this shirt design. I think it's pretty funny, but I may be the only one...

If you would like one, here's the link to my website... Furball Studio

4 years and counting...

2008-12-24T17:31:00.004-06:00

Yep - I've been clean for four years to the day. And no, I don't say sober because I happily drink on occasion. I have to make the distinction because I've been called on it before.

Unfortunately, the desire isn't gone. In fact, it's still something I think about and want daily. I think about it, smell it, imagine it, crave it. According to the shrink that'll probably never go away. It isn't as bad as it used to be, but honestly, if put down in front of me - Meth or Coke - I would do it without much of a thought. At that point it becomes an afterthought. So, the fact that I'm here - healthy and clean is something that I'm very thankful for.

It has taken a lot of work to get this far and the further I get the more reason I have to stay away from it. So, I have 4 years behind me that will hopefully kick in if ever faced with the prospect of it again. But that's part of the trick - staying away from those "opportunities."

To treat myself, I've put a down payment on a beautiful new piece of glass by "Viscosity Glass"...

US Fights UN on Homosexuality

2008-12-19T09:20:00.002-06:00

Yes, I'm back...trips were wonderful, amazing, blah blah blah...life is good...

What got me to start posting again (and yes, I'm going to start posting regularly again) is that once again we have made ourselves look like idiots to the rest of the civilized world.

The UN has drafted a declaration that would decriminalize homosexuality all over the world (in all UN member countries at least.) We are the only Western country not to sign it. All of Europe, some Asian countries, Australia, and even Mexico (MEXICO!!) have signed it. Not us.

The concern is that it goes against states' rights...um, what happened to human rights. We're more willing to uphold the rights of a state over the rights of a person and we're willing to do it in front of the entire world!

My hair (what little there is) is standing on end!

Full Story

Fall Fur Fest is here!!!

2008-11-07T07:34:00.002-06:00

The bear event of the season, Fall Fur Fest is this weekend! I'm so excited. Mark has the day off, so we have a plan. He's taking me to work, getting our shit together today (running a few errands that usually have to be done on the way to the Ranch), dropping Max off, picking me up from work at 5, then we'll head out of town. We should be there sometime between 6:30 and 7:00.

The meet and greet beer bust that we host (along with Ray, Brad, Brian, and Dewayne) will not get started until 8:30 so this year I'll actually have a chance to relax a bit beforehand, and maybe warm up a little with a couple of drinks.

We're hoping for about 300-400 bears from all over showing up. People ask what we do at these events...um, drink and laugh. It's a chance for people to get together with others like them and relax without any pretense. The weekend will have a potluck (I think), a bonfire, a campy drag show, and of course the FurBall (dance). Other than that it's drinking, talking, and riding around in golf carts.

Oh, and in case you're wondering...Mark and I designed the t-shirts again this year. The top image is on the pocket of the shirts and the image below is on the back. For all of you bears out there that camp and would like a shirt with only the image below on it, they will be available on my website Furball Studio soon.

Ya ain't blind

2008-11-06T15:32:00.002-06:00

I know there's a glare, but yes - that says $1.99.

When the Texas average is $2.13 for regular unleaded, and places in Dallas are running around $2.19, I found gas for UNDER $2!!! That's right, for the first time in recent memory there is gas for $1.99/gallon. I smile every day when I pass before and after work - not that it's going to stay that way, but I'm going to stay filled up as long as it lasts!

Obama Wins!!!

2008-11-05T07:04:00.002-06:00

As much as I was excited about this election, I was nervous. I wasn't going to say that Obama had won until everything was counted and everyone agreed...then McCain conceded. I teared up at the words "Barack Obama elected 44th President"...it makes me smile just thinking about it.

I think I'm still in shock about the whole thing. Last night I couldn't get enough of his acceptance speech and I have to say I think McCain's concession speech last night was great - one of his best of the campaign. I have a lot of respect for McCain, I just question his decision-making abilities (ie Palin.)

The world has been watching and the support is overwhelming. I think the rest of the world has been waiting for us to get our shit together and for the first time in almost 8 years we're taking the steps to do so.

Thank you!!!

2008-10-31T06:13:00.002-06:00

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

I just received an email from LifeWalk. We raised $396,658!! That's almost $50K more than last year. The biggest surprise in the email was that I was 2nd place in individual donations! I had no idea.

Thank you again to everyone who donated! I have to say a special thank you to Jeff and Sean - you guys are amazing! I'm so excited right now.

On another note - it's Halloween and we're off to the ranch this weekend. I can't wait - we put on our "TinkerBear" costumes and I have to say we looked great - silly, but great! I'll make sure I have plenty of pictures for Monday.

Happy Halloween!!!

SNL Thursday

2008-10-30T06:09:00.003-06:00

I can't seem to get my shit together enough to post anything substantial - not even about the Tina concert (amazing, as usual.) I've been working hard on our TinkerBear costumes all week. However, I think Tina Fey and Will Ferrell are genius so I had to throw this on there.

Weekend Update

2008-10-26T08:43:00.002-06:00

So, we didn't go to the Halloween street party in the gayborhood last night. It turns out that neither one of us wanted to go, but were going because we thought the other wanted to. A little misstep in communication there, but we'll still be dressing up as Tinkerbears at the ranch.

So, yesterday we went to Carlyn Galerie for their Glass Show and to put down a deposit on a piece that Mark saw online and that I called and ordered. And of course, we had to get something else. Mark bought a beautiful "clam" shaped piece with 5 smaller pieces that fit inside. I bought a bowl that we'd both looked at numerous times over the past few months and was really inexpensive.

Last night we finally went to see Eagle Eye - incredible movie. When we got out I looked up and noticed that Max Payne was about to start in the theatre next to us. So we jumped theatres and went to see it at 11:00. I'm so glad we didn't pay for it. It was really a waste of time, but we wouldn't have known without going. Like I said though, I'm just glad we didn't pay anything.

Food Addiction

2008-10-21T11:50:00.002-06:00

(NJ wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - except for the highway system - just stupid.)

So today I confronted my food addiction head on in one of the biggest personal triumphs I've had in a long time. I don't just eat food, I love to eat. I love everything about it. Well, I've been resisting moving up in pant size, but recently had to do it. I was just tired of being so uncomfortable all of the time, but it wasn't an excuse to give up the dieting (I'm always looking for excuses.) I have given myself no option, but to lose about 15 pounds.

I've had the hardest time disciplining myself this go-around. Today someone mentioned getting "Hunky's" hamburgers - one of my favorite hamburger joints. I've never resisted. Usually when Hunky's is mentioned I pretty much just throw the diet to the side and order whatever I want. So, going with my normal routine, I pulled up the menu.

Everything sounded so good, but the more I looked at the menu, the more guilt I felt. I started thinking about the negatives - the bloating, the heaviness, the guilt that would stay with me, and the self-sabotage I'm so good at. I was taught a long time ago that in order to overcome an addiction you have to remember the worst parts of it. Somehow, with my mouth watering and people ordering all around me, I resisted.

I gave my money and ordered a Jumbo iced tea - nothing else. They asked if I was sure I didn't want anything and I responded with, "I'm sure, but don't ask me again." As I walked to the kitchen to get a Slim-Fast I felt a couple of tears forming. I'm not being dramatic or joking here. I teared up at giving up Hunky's for lunch. I realized at that point that although I've always known I had a food issue I didn't realize how deep it ran emotionally. I've given up food I wanted before, many times, but this time was different.

I think I turned a corner today. I've had so much difficulty this time around. I haven't been able to figure out why I can't commit this time like I did when I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I just couldn't find that "thing" this time. I have been constantly looking for reasons and ways to break away from it. Today I got a really good look at the problem. I just have to deal with it the way I've dealt with other addictions. I saw something really ugly today and I think it's what I needed to make the switch.

Off to beautiflul NJ

2008-10-16T06:06:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I'm not sure if I'm less excited about going to NJ or about attending this seminar. Last month I was spoiled by getting to go to a really fun seminar in San Diego/Tijuana. This weekend I will be attending what I'm predicting to be a very boring one.

Friday will be easy. We fly out at 9 am or so and don't have to be anywhere until cocktails and dinner that night. The actual seminar is Saturday, but I can assure you it won't be filled with games and fun challenges. Instead, we will be in hotel conference rooms sitting there with notebooks and pens trying not to fall asleep. Luckily that night we get cocktails and dinner again.

We fly out Sunday morning which is the nice thing. At least it's a short seminar. Don't get me wrong, I'm anxious to learn about a lot of the new products they've come out with. They have some beautiful stuff and I love my reps and all, but I also have had a bad run-in with the pissy queen who's running the event.

Just in case you're curious whose seminar I'm going to attend, here's a link to their website. Like I said, they have beautiful products, they can just be a little stuffy. But, I'll live and I'm sure I'll learn some stuff. Ugh...maybe it's the thought of going to NJ...

In a nutshell...

2008-10-13T07:10:00.004-06:00

I know I haven't written anything in over a week. Not because nothing's happened, but because I just haven't felt like it. Since last Saturday, we've gone to see the Tut exhibit, eaten a lot of food, had a lot to drink, went to the Cottonwood Festival and bought glass, walked in the LifeWalk where sadly there are more straight people involved than gay (at least that's how it seemed), bought another piece of glass, bought 3 smaller pieces of glass, paid off all of my credit cards (got my bonus), had dinner with family, had dinner with friends for my birthday, drank a lot, went to see Religulous, spent too much money at Borders, have had about 4 or 5 negative things removed from my credit report...

So, yeah, there's been stuff to write about, I just haven't been feeling it for some reason.

Ok, just a note about Jeff's comment below. I realize that it isn't a gay illness. I used to do HIV/AIDS counseling and am well aware of the statistics. That being said, it has historically been the LGBT community that has led the fight. It's just sad to see how complacent so many people in the LGBT community have become.

Eleventh Hour

2008-10-01T21:33:00.002-06:00

This is it - we're down to the wire! In total online donations, we have raised about $250,000 this year. Once offline donations are figured in we will probably be near where we were last year.

Believe me, I know that money has been tight this year for most. I just have to give it one more good push before the weekend. The walk will be this Sunday, Oct 5 and Mark and I will be there ready to go. If you know me at all then you'll understand how important this is for me if I'm willing to get outside and walk a few miles. It's huge!

I want to thank everyone who has donated so far. It has meant a lot to me personally.

I'm not going to spend time going on and on about what a wonderful charity this is because I've done that before and I do it on my fundraising page. I'll just say it's the only one that I dedicate so much time and energy to every year.

Please help if you can. I understand if you can't and I'll do my best not to hold it against you.

I love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to even consider this cause.

Texas State Fair2008

2008-09-28T21:13:00.007-06:00

Ok, I'm going to let Mark tell you about the food, because while it was good, I was distracted by something altogether different. I'm going to start by saying I'm a very proud Texan (just ask Mark.) I love my state and take great pride in being from here. That said, there is more redneck, white trash running around this state and for one month out of the year they converge in Dallas at the State Fairgrounds.

I love people-watching, but what's really sad is that some of the vendors have misspelled signs on their booths. This one just struck me as funny...especially since there were at least 3 booths around this guy that got it right...

Overall we had a great time...just one word of advice - don't waste your time on the laser/pyrotechnic show, Illumination Sensation. It was just crap. The songs didn't really make sense or pertain to anything or anyone in particular and they certainly didn't transition very well. The laser images were just ok and the few fireballs and fireworks there were were just ok. If you've seen the show in the past, skip this one - you'll be highly disappointed. If you haven't seen it, skip it - you'll be highly disappointed. If you just need some time to rest and sit down, I'd suggest doing it in an air-conditioned building, not in the Esplanade.

Song of the South

2008-09-22T06:05:00.002-06:00

I'll admit it, I love Disney's Song of the South! I saw it when it was released in theatres in the 80's and have always wanted it on dvd. Because of controversy it was never made for release in the US. After limited release in Europe it was pulled from shelves due to all of the controversy.

When Mark and I were riding Splash Mountain I realized that he didn't know the story of Br'er Rabbit. I explained as we were going through the ride and it made much more sense to him. It's hard to believe how many people have no idea about this movie, yet it's the theme of a major ride at Disneyland.

The only thing that I can see to be controversial is the Tar Baby - that's pretty bad for today's highly sensitive audiences. But, this movie was made in 1946. Everything else is fine - it's a movie about slaves and slave stories. I think to hide from this movie is sad - it's a beautiful movie and is one of the first major movies to combine animation and live-action.

Anyhoo...someone sent Mark a copy that was made from the laserdisc that was released in the 80's. We watched it last night and really enjoyed it. There were a couple of moments where we cringed a bit, but it was a great movie. I got online and was researching the movie when I discovered that it was again released and sold in Disney Paris, but this time was remastered for US dvd players. It's an official Disney release! So, I bought a copy.

I was always afraid that we would have this great Disney collection and always have a giant hole in it where Song of the South should be. Now we will have a complete collection!

Mark of the Beast

2008-09-19T11:30:00.004-06:00

If this isn't proof of my true nature I don't know what is...

This hasn't been retouched or enhanced at all. There was a lot of glass tile on the table in front of us and I think it's just a reflection from the flash, but it didn't affect anyone else in the picture. Just weird...

What do you think?

Seminar

2008-09-18T06:10:00.003-06:00

Me & Deena at the Mexico Factory

It just dawned on me that I never wrote about my weekend trip to San Diego/Tijuana...

Deena and I spent this past weekend in San Diego learning as much as possible about Oceanside glass. We arrived Thursday and relaxed before our great adventure began the next morning. The theme this year was "The Glass Crusade: In Search of the Crystal Skull." Everything - and I mean everything - was geared toward an Indiana Jones theme.

Friday morning we registered and found our team. We were Team Willie, named after a character in "The Temple of Doom." Breakfast was spent getting to know our other team members and leaders before climbing on buses and heading to Tijuana. OGT built a brand new factory in Mexico a couple of years ago and we were off to tour it. We spent the day at the factory, which was beautiful, clean, and organized. Afterward, we jumped on the buses and headed back across the border for dinner at a San Diego park.

Saturday morning we got an early start and went to the headquarters located in Carlsbad. We spent the day there doing various workshops about green design, design concepts, and installation - yes, we installed sheets of Tessera on a vertical surface! Amazingly, it's very easy if you follow the directions to a T.

Saturday evening was our final night together and the guys at Oceanside know how to throw a party. We had appetizers, cocktails, and dinner on the beach under a full moon followed by dancing and a guest performance by "Slump" - made up of Oceanside employees and executives. While some of their songs are about tile, most are pretty good covers.

All in all it was a very informative and enjoyable weekend. We're both looking forward to going again!

Tina Fey = Sarah Palin

2008-09-14T19:01:00.001-06:00

This is got to be one of the best inpersonations I've ever seen on SNL...Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are genius!

Tijuana Here I Come!

2008-09-11T09:02:00.003-06:00

I'm off to a work seminar this weekend in San Diego with one of our suppliers, Oceanside Glasstile. Deena, my counterpart at work, is going with me. We fly out around 4:00 today (I know - flying on 9/11) and should land around 5:30. Tonight we don't have anything to do but hang out and wait for tomorrow.

On Friday we venture into Tijuana to visit the factory where we'll spend the day watching them pour glass, making our own molds, etc. We even have a "Churro" break at one point (my mouth is watering already.) We'll be back over the border before the sun sets (we ain't stupid) for dinner on the beach.

Saturday is full of workshops - installation, design, product knowledge, etc. with the occasional team building game thrown in - the main thing I hate about these things. Then Saturday night is reserved for the party. Open bar and good food - Deena's determined I'm going to be on the dance floor at one point.

The overall theme to the weekend is "The Glass Crusade: The Search for the Crystal Cranium"...uh huh, I know...they're cheesy as hell, but also a lot of fun. At least their being creative. I won't be so lucky next month when I have to go to a different seminar in Perth Amboy, NJ. It's mostly sitting in a room and listening to lectures - a complete let-down after Oceanside and San Diego.

Oh well - that's next month. It's 10:15 and I'm so ready to go. We're leaving work at 2:00, but I've been here since 7:30 this morning and am tired already. I was up late last night and needed Mark to bring me to work so I could leave my car at home for the weekend. Nobody else showed up until 9-ish so I got a lot of work done and now I'm just a little bored...and ready to go!

Co-Pilot Tee

2008-09-09T17:29:00.002-06:00

Ok, Ok...it's posted for purchase on Zazzle now...

God Was My Co-Pilot

Building a new Blog

2008-09-09T06:26:00.004-06:00

Sorry I haven't been writing this week. I'm building a blog for my showroom and it's eating up some time. I promise I'll be back...in the meantime, check out the new shirt design. It hasn't been posted yet, but it will be later on. Let me know what you think!

Double Standards?

2008-09-05T08:35:00.006-06:00

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of the Republican party, not that I'm a Dem fan either. I'm not really crazy about the party system in general. But I have to admit that I reserve a little more disdain for the GOP. This is a clip from The Daily Show highlighting everything that's wrong with politics in this country and made me laugh out loud at the same time.

TINA!!!!

2008-09-04T11:24:00.003-06:00

How freakin excited am I? I now have tickets for Tina Turner Live on Oct 26th! This will be the 4th time for me to see her - the most I've ever seen any one artist. She's just amazing in person - indescribable energy and attitude.

I think her energy is always better in Dallas, and she always makes a note of the fact, because this is where she finally broke away from Ike. I was just talking about her yesterday when "Proud Mary" came on the radio at work. Then, this morning I came in to work and poof- there she was!

So, how did I get these tickets before they go on sale on September 15, you ask. I'll let you in on a secret - three actually. First, there are 3 different presales going on - two AMEX and one Oprah. Second, the Oprah presale gets you better seats. Third, the Oprah presale password is "proudmary". There ya go!

If you've never seen her, now's your chance - fair warning - there are only two price points. The majority of seats are $165. I put $59 in and it pulled up tickets in the 3rd level. The higher priced one brought up tickets in the lower level - just off the floor.

Good Luck!

New Website

2008-08-30T10:13:00.002-06:00

Finally! I have a website for t-shirts set up. There is a pretty wide range of subjects from bears to politics. I don't have too much up there yet, but everything that's completed is on the site. There are many more designs in the works and I'll update everyone on when things are added. There is also a contact page for suggestions or if you want something done for you personally.

At the same time as all of this I'm building another site that will focus on Graphic Design and custom projects in general. I'm taking my time with that one because I want it to be perfect, but in the meantime any requests can go through the t-shirt site. Currently the site is limited to t-shirts, but let me know if you want something else, I'm more than happy to accommodate.

www.furballstudio.com

On another note, you can now access my blog by using www.txsmurf.com. It still takes you to Blogger because I'm not going to change that until I've set up the other sites.

Anyhoo...let me know what you think.

Voice Article About Javier's

2008-08-30T08:03:00.002-06:00

Ben Briscoe, a writer for the Dallas Voice, wrote a story about the whole Javier's incident. It was published in this week's paper. Of course Javier's isn't going to admit to anything, so it turns into a "He Said, (S)he said" sort of thing, but it's still good that it's out there.

Thanks to everyone who has been circulating this - I still maintain, as do they, that they were slighted by Javier's based on sexual orientation. I still refuse to return until they admit what they did and apologize.

Dallas Voice Story

Facebook

2008-08-28T05:47:00.003-06:00

Well, I swore off "networking" sites after I just got tired of myspace. People here and there would say, "Why aren't you on Facebook?" I didn't realize how many people were on there. A couple of days ago Mark joined and within a couple of hours he had about 40 or so friends in his list. He couldn't believe the people that were coming up. After seeing how quickly it worked I thought I'd try.

After 24 hours, my list is up to 25. Several of these people are ones I haven't spoken to or seen in 10-15 years. It's great! I made contact with one of my favorite people from theatre and school. She's been MIA for a long time and I've been looking all over for her...apparently everywhere but Facebook!

The most exciting part is just seeing who shows up!

Clown Tees

2008-08-26T06:03:00.004-06:00

Ok, I have to admit something. I hate clowns. They're creepy and up to something - why else would they be concealing themselves with so much make-up and loud colors? I've never been a fan and never will be. My fear is shared by many, many people. I have added 5 new clown-themed shirts to the site.

I use Zazzle for the shirts because they will allow you to choose the type and color of shirt you want. They also have better quality shirts than most companies like them.

Click on the pictures to take you to the main site.

Javier's Knox-Henderson is Anti-Gay

2008-08-25T08:40:00.007-06:00

I have to tell you about something that happened to a friend of mine over the weekend at Javier's Gourmet Mexicano on Cole Ave in Dallas. Let's call him John. I want to start by saying that Javier's was a great place to go, although I hadn't been in a long time. For those that aren't familiar with the Knox-Henderson area of Dallas it's a very trendy area full of 20-30-somethings. I've never had a problem feeling out of place because I'm gay - for the most part nobody cares.

Saturday night, John went to Javier's with 14 other people for a friend's birthday dinner. Javier's was packed, as usual. They waited in the bar where they bought two rounds of drinks totaling over $400. They spent an hour waiting for a table and there were no seats to be found, so John's boyfriend sat on his leg - well, more like he leaned and partially sat. John was on the phone and not really paying attention while his boyfriend was talking to someone else.

The manager walked up to them and said that their behavior was inappropriate and that they needed to leave the restaurant. They weren't doing anything. John kind of laughed it off and went back to his phone conversation because there was no way the guy could be serious. The manager repeated, "You need to leave now." His boyfriend asked if someone had complained or commented about them, but he said they hadn't and they needed to leave the premises immediately. John, in shock, realized he was serious.

The group was spread out through the bar and John was holding the valet tickets. He told the manager that he just needed to give the other people their valet tickets. The manager stopped him and again told him to leave. He explained that he was holding all of the valet tickets and had no plans of staying, but needed to give everyone their tickets. Apparently the manager saw this as threatening because he called the off-duty cop to come in. John told him they were leaving and that there was no reason for him to be involved.

So, here's my thinking...either we spread the word and boycott the restaurant - hit them in the wallet, or go the more obnoxious route - get a large group of gays together and show up Saturday night. While waiting for a table we sit in each others laps. Although it would be fun(ny) it wouldn't accomplish as much as the publicity that this is going to generate.

I'll guarantee you one thing - if it was a woman sitting in a man's lap waiting for a table it wouldn't have been an issue. Oh, and I'll guarantee another - I'm never stepping foot inside Javier's again until they issue a public apology and discipline the manager. Get the word out - they need to know just how much money they can lose by alienating the demographic with the most disposable income.

(Although I wasn't there, John has read this and approved it as accurate.)

Time for me to beg...

2008-08-21T05:26:00.003-06:00

Well, I've put it off as long as I could - I hate asking for money (I'd make a very bad vagrant.) It's time to start collecting officially for the LifeWalk benefiting AIDSArms a local charity helping people with HIV and AIDS.

I've had the "Donate" button on my blog for a few months now and a HUGE thank you to the people who have donated, but I'm still far from my goal. This year I aimed high - $2500, because I believe it's possible. Last year we had a record-breaking year overall, earning a grand total of $370,000. Mark and I will be working and walking with Team Rainbow Ranch to break more records this year.

Unfortunately these days it's very needed. The rate of new HIV infections is growing at an alarming rate. Whether it's due to lack of knowledge, drugs, complacency, or a combination is unknown. What is known is that education is the key to preventing new infections and helping those that are newly infected.

This is a charity very close to my heart. I have been lucky (pure luck is all it is) that I've never become positive despite a lot of episodes of stupidity in my past. But adding it up, I would have to say that 80-90% of my gay friends are positive and I see the effects of the disease on their daily lives. Kids are out there with the attitude that it's no big deal because people aren't dying left and right like the 80's and early 90's. It is still an incurable disease, and while there are medications that allow you to live a long life, they do horrible things to your body.

Ok, I'm going to step off my soapbox for now, that's not what this post is about. It's about money...if you have the means and inclination, please click on the "Donate" link at the top of the main page and give anything you can...please don't be intimidated if you see people donate large amounts - every $5 or $10 helps.

Thank you again to everyone who has and will donate!

A New Piece

2008-08-17T20:03:00.002-06:00

I finally got my new piece out of jail. I put it on layaway in the Spring and have taken my time getting it out - $100 here, $100 there. Yesterday I was finally able to walk out with it!

It is a Vitrix piece. This was my second piece of nice, high quality art glass. They don't look alike and I chose both pieces at completely different times, without looking at the label, and they're both by the same studio. I just really like their work and tend to gravitate toward them naturally.

Time to put another piece on layaway...

Coming Soon...

2008-08-14T06:08:00.003-06:00

Well, I've purchased "txsmurf.com." I'm working on building the new blog, but it's a bigger pain in the ass than I ever realized. I'm also working on a site for the t-shirts and doing custom designs for people. That website will be "furballstudio.com" - another pain in the ass...but I'm figuring it out.

Then there's a third one that I haven't figured out completely yet, but will involve consulting on tile designs. I didn't realize how many designers, builders, contractors, homeowners are at a loss for how to design their tile. I love doing it because to me it's like a big puzzle. I'll probably mainly sell the designs and then if someone would like me to help them with product selection I can do that, but only at my showroom - I won't shop around. But, again, I want it to be more about the design than anything else.

Still working it all out, but Coming Soon...txsmurf.com and furballstudio.com! Oh, and I've removed the Zazzle banner on the side and put a Flash one at the bottom of the page.

Summoning The Punisher?

2008-08-12T06:24:00.006-06:00

This is Reunion Tower all lit up here in Dallas. Normally it looks like the picture on the left. It might be flashing or have patterns moving through it, but when there aren't any patterns going on it's just a solid globe.

Last night I walked out of my front door to take Max out and saw a skull floating in the Dallas skyline. It wasn't moving or changing. It was just there. Weird - and a little creepy. It's almost as if someone is trying to signal The Punisher or something...

A Nice Weekend

2008-08-10T22:28:00.003-06:00

Friday evening Tyler and Naomi came up from Austin for the weekend. Lori, Justin, and one of their offspring came over that evening and we had Chinese and hung out. After Lori and Justin left we watched the Olympics Opening Ceremonies - very impressive (them Chinese is tricky.)

Saturday Ashley, Keith, Katie, and Cari met us at Manny's for lunch. Ashley came back with us and Stacie came over for a bit. I'm afraid I wasn't the best company, but after a couple of margaritas at lunch and another drink when I got home, I had trouble keeping my eyes open...it was midnight after all...(sad.)

Ashley spent the night on the couch with Tyler and Naomi. Don't worry - large couch and very comfortable. This morning we hung out for a bit. As Tyler and Naomi were preparing to leave, Beth called saying she was in the neighborhood with the kids...I love Beth and her kids, don't get me wrong (really Beth, I do) but our home isn't exactly child-friendly. Mark and I spent the whole time tense...waiting for something to break...luckily the kids are well-behaved...it was more about them and Max together...a lot of potential insanity there. After a nice visit, everyone was off.

Mark and I went to PeiWei before I had to take him to the airport for his stupid business trip. No, it is a stupid business trip. He flew to Atlanta to basically go have lunch with a client and come back. Customer relations, I guess. So, I've been sitting here with Max designing shirts and posting them online.

Oh, and I started setting up my own websites...I'll have one for the blog and one for the whole t-shirt thing...possibly one for graphic design or interior design consultant services. We might also go ahead and set up a website for Mark to sell his artwork. It was somewhat impulsive, I realize, and afterword realized it probably had something to do with one of my meds that increases compulsive behavior (because I need help with that), but at the same time I've thought about doing it for a couple of years now...I've just become proactive about it.

Anyhoo...check out the new shirts...there are three of them.

T-Shirts

2008-08-06T06:44:00.003-06:00

Ok, I've finally got some t-shirts back up for sale online. I've switched from Cafe Press to Zazzle because I like the quality of their shirts and you can choose your own colors/styles/quality. There are only about 8 on there right now, but I'll be adding more soon. They will be geared towards Bears or sarcasm...or sarcastic bears, but there will be others.

In fact, I'm always open to new ideas...

Bear Necessities

Natchitoches Trip

2008-08-03T21:15:00.006-06:00

Of all the times I've been to Natchitoches, I've never taken pictures of the Steel Magnolias house and come home to watch the movie so I could compare, but that's what I'm doing. This was Mark's first trip there which of course made it more fun. I forget though how small the house is in person. We were sitting here going through pictures and I decided to compare.

Now, at 10:30, I think we'll be watching the whole thing. I haven't seen it in years, but can still recite it word for word - so can Mark...we're pathetic and uber-gay...

Oh, and although he has had Natchitoches meat pies before, he's never had a fresh one made in Natchitoches at Lasyone's...
There's nothin' better than Lasyone's meat pies, dirty rice, and gumbo...seriously...

Distracted/OCD

2008-07-31T05:13:00.003-06:00

So I've been a little distracted this week. I finally got my 3G iphone and I've spent two days playing with it non-stop - I'm hooked. In fact I've gotten a little compulsive about it. Now that I think about it I've been a little obsessive-compulsive about a few things...

I got an email last week with an offer to join the Disney Movie Club - so I did. I ended up buying about 15 movies in 3 different orders. I made the initial purchase and then received an email with a 25% off offer - so I bought a few more. Then, at checkout got a 20% off coupon...etc, etc. By then end of it all I'd made a few purchases - and some obscure selections as well.

I got it in my head last week that I had to have a Bowflex - I bought one Sunday. I also decided last week that I needed to start a Medical Transcriptionist training program to bring in extra money - so I did. My bank account isn't too happy with me - which became another source of obsession yesterday. I couldn't stop messing with my budget.

I'm starting to recognize these little episodes, but couldn't figure out why my OCD had increased so much. Then, I remembered. When my shrink put me on the medication for Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), he warned me to watch out for increased obsessive-compulsive behavior. It's apparently a pretty common side effect and with my predisposition for compulsive behavior he thought he should warn me. Now that I've connected it to something and have realized I'm doing it, I can try to control it more. The medication is working, so I'd rather learn how to cope with the OCD.

Someone's needy...

2008-07-24T13:04:00.004-06:00

This is Luvie. She's always needy, but today she's extra needy. And when Luvie decides that she needs to be loved on, all work comes to a standstill.

Carved in Stone

2008-07-23T18:26:00.003-06:00

Well, it's official. My grandmother really is gone. It's as though I've been able to ignore the fact - or I've done my best at least.

Mark is going to go with me in a couple of weeks for a turnaround trip. I want to show him some of the antiques, check out the cemetery, and show him where part of me is rooted...God help him!

My mom sent me these pictures today that were taken after her headstone was installed. While it's sad, and hard to believe still, I had to smile. She was so proud of her place in the cemetery. She was in a blood battle with one of her brothers for that spot in the family plot. He finally gave in - as long as she went first.

About 5 years ago at her youngest sister's funeral she came up to me and whispered for me to go with her somewhere. We walked over about 10 feet and she pointed down with a big smile on her face - there was a little granite grave marker with her name on it. It was official - the spot was hers. She was so proud. I, on the other hand, was not amused. Now, looking back on it and all of the jokes and comments about "when I die you'll have to drag my body up this steep hill," etc, I think it helped to have been able to laugh with her about it all.

This is just another step in the grieving. The weirdest part is that it just made me realize how much I've been in denial about it all. I still don't feel like I can think about it emotionally - it's all very detached in my head still.

Quick Post

2008-07-23T09:00:00.004-06:00

Ok, a very quick post because I'm crazy busy at work this week. We have two people out today and when you only have six to start with, that makes a big difference. And one of them is the warehouse guy which means I get to spend time today loading people's trucks in a 115 degree warehouse - in addition to my already full workload.

But enough bitching...I have to post a picture per Mark's instructions. If I don't do what he says he beats me, so here's a picture of me sitting at my desk this morning...

WOW! That's about as bad a picture as I can take...I look like shit - sorry about that. I need more sleep, I think!

Time to get serious...

2008-07-21T07:48:00.003-06:00

It's time to continue with the further adventures of my weight gain and loss. Most people, if they're going to, gain weight in the winter. Not me. I tend to gain weight in the summer. I think it's because I spend so much time inside under air conditioning. I went to buy clothes last week and realized I was looking to larger sizes again. I promised myself never to go down that road again and I meant it.

I've gained about 15 pounds and I'm stopping it there. Some of my favorite clothes are getting lonely because slowly over the past few months they've been fitting less and less and I just can't wear them right now. It's depressing - I was in such a good place with my weight for awhile and I've let it go...so this morning is the start of counting points again. I brought my WW points counter to work with me and am cracking down. The nice thing about counting points is that it becomes a challenge to me. I get very focused - almost like it's a puzzle to work through.

Wish me luck...

I've converted

2008-07-18T06:10:00.002-06:00

I've finally converted. I went to AT&T yesterday and ordered my 3G iphone. It'll take about 10-20 days to arrive. It's a long time to wait for a new toy, but I was tired of hunting one down and really hated the prospect of waiting on line for hours in 100 degree weather. This way I know I have one.

I'm switching my service from T-Mobile so I had to have a credit check - a regular source of anxiety. I guess cleaning up my credit is paying off. For the first time ever I was able to get a cellular account without needing a deposit! It was very exciting.

New JibJab Cartoon

2008-07-16T06:25:00.002-06:00

The guys at JibJab have done it again. Here's their latest:

If you are having trouble viewing, click here.

George Michael - 25Live

2008-07-14T08:29:00.003-06:00

Last night was probably the best concert I've ever seen - at least for the time he was on stage. My only complaints - and they were quickly forgiven - are that our tickets stated "8:00pm Prompt." I don't know what's prompt about and 8:50 start. I was getting a little annoyed. Then, after about 45 min to an hour, he said "Back in 20." and took off. The lights came up and a 20 min countdown appeared on the screen. Other than that he left nothing to complain about.

I sat in between probably the two biggest GM fans there are - Mark on one side and a very closeted Marine on the other side. They were both talking about the other cities on the tour and comparing how it was so far compared to his European tour. Through the entire concert they were both guessing aloud the next song. I have to admit it was a lot of fun sitting with the two of them.

Oh, there was another negative that had nothing whatsoever to do with George. We had an obnoxious George impersonator sitting at the end of our row. He was obnoxiously British - continually talking through the show, drunk off his ass, horrible body odor that I could smell 6 people down from him, confrontational, and I think he actually believed he was George. Sad.

All of that aside - the show was amazing! George's voice was amazing and he had all of his old moves. He sang songs for us that weren't on the European tour and one song that he had never sung onstage - it was the first song he'd ever written...when he was 8. He definitely made up for the tardiness and the 20 minute break. He had a couple of encores and ended the show with "Freedom".

I have to say, there are two songs I couldn't believe he left out - "I Want Your Sex" and "Monkey", but I'm not one to complain...I think I'm still in shock over the fact that after waiting for so long, I finally got to see him in concert!

Read a more professional review here...

A New Pill

2008-07-11T08:17:00.003-06:00

For several years now I've had Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), but didn't know that it was actually a medical condition that's treatable. I just always figured it was poor circulation or something. It is annoying as hell and the only thing that seemed to help was to get up and move around...unfortunately that can be a little difficult to deal with when you're trying to sleep.

So, the doc prescribed Mirapex. It was actually developed for Parkinson's, but they discovered it also relieved RLS. I took my first one last night along with my normal regimen, which includes a pill to help me relax and sleep. All I have to say is that I don't have to take the sleeping pill anymore. I was dead to the world - and am still feeling groggy and drugged.

I went on the drug's website and actually laughed when I read some of the warnings. I discussed it all with my doc, but reading the actual warning just struck me as funny...

"MIRAPEX may cause you to fall asleep without any warning, even while doing normal daily activities, such as driving. When taking MIRAPEX, hallucinations may occur and sometimes you may feel dizzy, sweaty or nauseated upon standing up. The most common side effects in clinical trials for RLS were nausea, headache, and tiredness. You should talk with your doctor if you experience these problems.

Patients and caregivers should be informed that impulse control disorders/compulsive behaviors may occur while taking medicines, including pramipexole, to treat Parkinson's disease and RLS."

Fun, huh? Don't worry about the falling asleep without warning thing - that's why I take it at night. At least, I hope I don't have to worry about it during the day...that would suck - I like to drive too much...

Goodbye Cherie

2008-07-10T15:46:00.003-06:00

This is about an 8 or 9 year old picture of Cherie, so I apologize for the quality. I couldn't find any of my current pictures. Anyway, Cherie is one of our showroom cats. Today we came in to work and she was struggling to breathe. After a trip to the vet and some x-rays it was determined that she either had cancer or fluid putting a lot of pressure on her lungs. The vet said that she had only a few days to live, if that. It was decided that we needed to let her go.

She came back to the showroom for the afternoon and different customers, former employees, mailmen, etc came by to say their good-byes. By this point she didn't have much left in her which was bizarre to see. She was the dominant cat with a very strong personality who usually was the one chasing after the smallest cat, Julia. Well, today Julia walked right up to her and Cherie did nothing...not that she didn't want to, she just didn't have the energy or strength. It was sad.

So, she's on her way to Kitty Heaven tonight. It'll be sad and a little quieter around here for awhile. We've had 5 cats for about 3 years now. Now, we'll be down to 4 (one of which is 18 and another that's 15). I just hope this isn't a little trend with the kitties around here.

Something's in the air...

2008-07-10T05:24:00.002-06:00

Well, to start, I know I didn't write anything about Disneyland yet. Not a lot to say other than it was the perfect vacation. We were relaxed, had a great time, there were no glitches (because we're both very anal about travelling), no arguments - nothing negative. The only thing that didn't work out as planned is that on our return flight we landed at the airport at 12:02am instead of 11:50pm. Not too shabby for a 4 night, 5 day trip! Last night Mark selected about 200 pictures of the almost 900 that were taken. They've been uploaded, but he's still working on them. We are both still working on uploading videos of parades and fireworks.

Regarding the "Something's in the air..." thing, I was asleep by 11 last night (usually 12:30 or 1:00) and was up at 5am - no alarm, just woke up. I got up, showered, and put together a pot roast that should be done about the time I get home today. Now I'm sitting here, drinking coffee and writing and it isn't even 7:00 yet. I have a shrink appointment at 8:00, so I'll be heading out soon...

I just love getting so much done so early!

DISNEYLAND here we come!

2008-07-02T07:54:00.002-06:00

It's going to be really hard for anyone to break my mood or remove the grin from my face today. In less than 24 hours, Mark and I will be on our flight to Anaheim. The past few days we've been watching Disney movies and behind-the-scenes documentaries gearing up. We're both Disney dorks, but at least we know it.

When we were there in February we both just kept saying how we wished we could just stay there. We weren't ready to leave at the end of the day. Well, this time it's just the two of us and we can stay as long as we want and not just for one day, but for four full days! What I love about that is that you can pretty much do everything in 2 days, but this will give us a chance to do a lot of wandering and just take our time.

There's something about being there that makes me relaxed and happy. I enjoy running around and riding everything, but I also enjoy just sitting and watching people, enjoying the environment. It's just so comfortable.

Today is going to be one big countdown. I don't think I'll sleep very well tonight. Mark is right, I'm like that dad in the Disney commercials that can't sleep the night before.

Something Stupid This Way Comes...

2008-07-01T15:10:00.002-06:00

There's something in the air or water that's spreading. It started yesterday morning bright and early and is continuing to grow like a tumor. What is it you may ask? I have no freakin idea, but it's making people stupid.

Every phone call was some weird or unusual request or problem, usually having to do with someone's stupidity. Don't get me wrong, they weren't all based on incompetence. Some were just bizarre and unusual or simply just a pain in the ass. At first I figured it was just me and my negative attitude - nothing new. Then I started listening in on other people's conversations.

I realized that this thing was becoming an epidemic. We all found ourselves repeatedly instructing people how to fill out forms or how to install certain things (even though these were experienced installers with detailed installation instructions.) And regarding the forms - if blanks like "Address", "Visa or MC", or "Name" on a form throw you off you should probably go back to bed. It was like suddenly overnight people's IQ's had dropped suddenly. Just bizarre.

And it continued today. My first phone call was an issue I'd never heard of, nor anyone else in our showroom or at our supplier had heard of either. In talking to other people we realized that this was spreading much further than first thought. Pretty much everyone I've spoken to has had a bizarre couple of days. Not anything crazy, but subtle things that kinda make you pause and say, "Really?"

By 9:30 this morning we were all already eye-balling the bottle of Patron in the cabinet...mmm...Patron... my mouth is watering.

Sick of Politics

2008-06-27T06:16:00.002-06:00

I'm going to start this off by saying that I'm non-partisan. I'm definitely on the left side of things, but I don't identify with any one political group or party.

My brother-in-law, who is more than a little conservative, sent me an email yesterday that infuriated me. It wasn't because of the subject matter which was drilling for oil on the Arctic National Wildlife Rescue (ANWR). That's a subject that people can argue until they're blue in the face - and have for years. Rather, it was the tone of the email.

It was in all capital letters talking about how Democrats and Liberals are lying about the refuge in their attempts to prevent drilling. The right-wing guys are pushing and pushing to drill for "precious oil" in an area that might, in total, yield enough to support 6 months to a year at most. Is that really worth it?

But again, that's not what this post is about. The email, instead of presenting facts, was angry and resorted to name-calling and over-exaggeration. It showed pictures of what it called a "wasteland" that wouldn't affect anything. (Environmentalists refer to this area as a coastal plain and tundra.) What stuck out in my mind more than anything was the tone.

Why is it necessary to take the attitude of "Us vs. Them"? Why spend so much effort slandering the "other side" instead of analyzing data and working together for a solution. I'm not saying that Democrats don't do the same thing, but I don't tend to see this type of thing as often from them as from the conservative Republicans.

It's the reason I don't claim either party. I feel like Switzerland. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know much about the whole ANWR issue, because I don't. My point here is that both parties need to get over this "Us vs. Them" attitude or it will just breed more and more anger and hatred. We know from experience that pitting Americans against other Americans doesn't yield good results. Sometimes I feel like we're on the verge of another civil war - Red States vs. Blue States...that's when I'm going to Canada.

I hate politics...

SteVeN, not Stephen or Steve

2008-06-26T06:25:00.005-06:00

To me, it's a matter of respect. A person's name is their identity. It goes deeper than merely a way to identify each other; names involve pride, ego, self-esteem. There have been studies that show how names influence your personality as well as the way other people look at you.

I can't stress enough...I am not a Steve. I am a Steven...and it's spelled with a "v", not a "ph". I have lived my life correcting people. For some reason, there are many people that assume it's ok to shorten people's names. Michael is Mike, David is Dave, Elizabeth is Liz or Beth...etc, etc, etc. If you are one of these people that shortens others' names, do you ask first?

It is incredibly rude to shorten someone's name without them telling you it's ok. Most people who don't mind going by the shortened version will actually correct you and tell you to call them by that. If someone doesn't give you the shortened version, don't automatically assume that it's ok to do it.

I'll be honest, when someone calls me Steve I typically lose interest in talking to them - mostly because of two things: 1) it's disrespectful and 2) it's assuming a familiarity that, if you are calling me that, definitely isn't there. Anyone who knows me well knows that it is absolutely not ok to call me Steve. So, if you do, you don't know me well enough to be shortening it anyway. There is one person who is allowed to use any variation on my name and that's Stacie - and even then it's a term of endearment and isn't used all the time.

My other pet peeve is the whole "v" vs. "ph" thing. If you are ever unsure of how someone spells their name - ask! I ask people all the time how to spell their names. I do it out of respect for them. Again, there is self-identity tied into the spelling of a name. It's not ok to make it up or assume how someone spells their name. Now, there are exceptions, of course.

We all know someone with an unusual spelling of a name. When I meet someone named Mark, I don't ask if it's spelled with a "k" or a "c". Why? Because "Marc" is so rare and is actually a shortened form of Marcus (usually). But there are certain names that are always spelled in multiple ways - Steven/Stephen, Catherine/Katherine/Katharine/Kathryn - just take the extra 10 seconds to verify it. In verifying someone's name you are also validating them and showing that you respect them.

Shape-Shifting Skyscraper

2008-06-25T13:51:00.002-06:00

I'm in awe - I don't know if I'm more in shock at the design or the ego of the designer. If they can pull this off I'm going to Dubai just to see it in person. They've accomplished some amazing architectural feats, but if they can do this they will completely revolutionize not only the skyscraper, but the way we view architecture.

Full Story

I think I peed a little...

Out of the Fog

2008-06-24T06:04:00.004-06:00

I think I'm finally emerging from the depression I've been in for over a month now. The stress of a new relationship, a move, and Abby's death triggered a nice little bout of depression.

Before all of this happened I slept well, woke up early, had energy to get things done in the morning, and got to work early. I haven't had that in awhile. This morning I woke up at 6:15, jumped in the shower, took out Max - all before even making coffee. Then I made coffee, fixed breakfast, and did dishes. I'll be heading to Wells Fargo to make a withdrawal and then to Bank of America to make a deposit before heading to work.

Anyway, compared to yesterday, I feel more like myself. Things are looking up...

Feeling Better

2008-06-23T06:47:00.002-06:00

I'm back on all of my meds!!! It's been a few days and I'm feeling much better. I happened to miss a doctor's appointment and forgot to reschedule. When I went to get the prescriptions refilled I heard from my shrink. I made an appointment and he filled the prescriptions. I also had been taken off Accutane for a couple of weeks because my triglycerides spiked.

So - there I was, taking some pretty strong medications, some with pretty high doses, and I was off of them cold turkey. Needless to say, my body wasn't too happy. I felt "off" all last week, but by Thursday was pretty shaky and dizzy. Every time I stood up I felt like I would fall right over. My brain was having a lot of problem making certain connections. I wasn't in a happy place.

I started back Thursday night on everything. I was cleared to start taking Accutane again and all of my prescriptions were refilled. Friday I was a little wobbly still, but each day got a little better than the one before. Today I woke up feeling much better. I actually feel better than I did before I quit taking them. I'm tired (which is normal), but other than that I feel great.

Part of that could be that Mark and I are almost finished with the place. There are a few things here and there, but there always are.

Pictures of the loft

Such wise words from a 3 year old

2008-06-18T10:27:00.002-06:00

My nephew will be 4 in August and I'm amazed at some of the things that he says sometimes. Sunday, while we were at my parents for Father's Day, he was being a little grumpy. My sister asked him what was wrong.

"I'm having a bad day," he said.

She asked him, "Why?"

"Because I want people to do things and they aren't doing them."

We all kind of laughed and I commented to my mom that I wished that's what my bad days consisted of. Then on the way home it hit me - that is what my bad days consist of. Think about it...why do we get annoyed or upset most of the time? Because people don't act the way we want or expect them to.

It made me realize how stupid and childish that is. It also made me realize that the root of all of our problems are very basic - so basic that a 3 year old can pinpoint it with much more accuracy than most adults. They just don't cover it up with bullshit excuses.

On a side note: Abe commented on my last entry, but I didn't post it because it had some of his personal info on it. He told me not to worry (um, ok) and that he would be in touch when he gets to his next stop.

Off to Iraq

2008-06-17T07:44:00.002-06:00

Sunday, Abe was shipped off to Iraq for another tour. It's bad enough that he was leaving, but for it to be on Father's Day? They couldn't wait a day? You would think that if the Army was concerned about morale of it's troops it wouldn't separate families on a day set aside to celebrate them. Go Army...

Don't get me wrong - regardless of my feelings for the war, I fully support the men and women over there. There are more than a few who don't want to be there, but are making a sacrifice in the name of their country, no matter the reason we're there or their personal beliefs. That's something I couldn't do and I admire them for that.

I couldn't get enough hugs from Abe when I left the reunion in the Spring. We scheduled it then, instead of August, so that he could be there. I'm more worried this time than I was the last. I don't know if it's because I know more about what he does over there or what...I don't know...

I haven't found out anything about his assignment yet, but if it's anything like last time it's a very high risk one. He's a helicopter pilot and flew troops in and out of Baghdad. He's still a helicopter pilot of course, but I'm hoping he has a better assignment.

Most people know I'm not a religious person, but I am a believer in positive energy. If you already pray for a loved one over there or pray for the troops in general, please add Abe to your list. I know I'll be thinking about him every day he's there and sending out as much positive energy as possible.