A Quiet Home

Today was the first day in 6 or 7 years that I woke up without any animals greeting me and following me around the house. I took Cobb (my cat) to her new home last night. I love her to death, but I took her in as a favor to my sister about 5 years ago, and my allergies have had enough.

I've put off finding her a home for a long time because she's just such a sweet cat, but with Mark moving in soon, I decided it was time. My allergies may be bad, but his are worse. I'm not putting this onto Mark by any means. Like I said I've thought about it for a few years now and have needed to do it, but I have a hard time letting go even if it's what's best.

I found her a great home though and I know she'll be fine and well taken care of. Now comes the task of cleaning cat hair out of everything, which sometimes seems like an impossible battle. It was just bizarre to have only myself to take care of this morning. There were no animals peeking around corners or following me around while I get dressed. No one to talk to or no one talking to me. It's just very quiet.

But it won't last...in a couple of weeks I will become a stepdad. Mark, Max, and I are moving into another loft - a bigger one. I'm crazy about Max and can't wait to have him there. He has such a great energy about him. He can be a little insane at times, but he has a great spirit and is fun to have around. And as much as I love Mark and can't wait to live together, I'm going to have to get used to living with another person again. And he has to get used to living with someone full-time again since I travel for work only 4 days out of a year.

I'm looking forward to it though...I'm just not looking forward to the move...I hate moving.

The Rainbow Bridge

Most people who have had to make the decision to put a loved member of the family to sleep are probably aware of the Rainbow Bridge. For those who are not familiar with the Rainbow Bridge, here is the poem inspired by a Norse legend.

Rainbow Bridge

By the edge of a wood, at the foot of a hill,
is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
when their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
for here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet,
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
the time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
and then, side-by-side,
they cross over...together.

Overwhelmed

I'm sitting here for the first time in my place alone after Abby passed away. I am overwhelmed by her loss. I spend most of my days in a daze. (huh, that sounds funny...) I am in complete disbelief that she is gone. It doesn't seem possible.

I didn't realize how much my life revolved around her. I didn't realize how much I thought about her throughout the day and looked forward to her greeting me at the door everyday. I miss her looming over me while I lay on the couch. I miss her trying to sit in my lap, her drooling on everything, her breathing in my face, her constantly being attached to my hip. I miss watching her try to play with Cobb - sticking her butt in the air and wagging her tail. I miss everything about her. I want to touch her again, smell her again.

I've been kind of just wandering around not really sure what to do. I don't want to think about the fact that I chose to have someone come to my home and put my baby girl to sleep and take her away. I'm sitting here looking at where her bed used to be in the living area - where her huge crate was in the corner. I got so used to having such a large presence around me all the time that now everything feels empty.

Now I'm crying too hard to keep writing. Maybe I'll write more later. I can't believe what I've done. I want my baby girl back.

Abby 05/13/06-05/15/08

This is the last photo ever taken of my Abbygirl. I took it a few days ago just because she was too cute not to. I love my baby girl very, very much which is why I had to make the worst decision a pet owner ever has to make.

She had Wobblers Disease - a pretty severe case. I did everything I could short of surgery. The surgery is extremely expensive and there are no guarantees - it could even leave her unable to walk at all. I realized I was being selfish by continually pushing her and hoping she would improve. Her condition only progressed.

Last night my parents and Mark came over and we all sat around loving on her until the vet arrived. She was given an anesthetic which took about 15 minutes before she was totally relaxed. She fought it pretty hard. Once she was relaxed, I sat next to her with her head in my lap, petting and kissing her head. The vet came in and administered the final drug. After about a minute or so, her head got very heavy in my lap and I knew she was gone. I just sat there holding her and sobbing while my parents and Mark sobbed along with me.

I couldn't watch them take her away. I laid down on my bed still crying while they took her out. My parents and Mark then took everything of hers away. I can't have anything of hers around me anymore. It's much too painful. She will be cremated and I will get her ashes in a nice box. She was an amazing dog, companion, friend, daughter. She will be missed by everyone who knew her.

Very Sad

I'm not going into much detail right now, but for those of you who don't know, we will be putting Abby to sleep tomorrow evening at home. The vet is coming to the house so she will be as comfortable as possible. My parents and Mark will be there with me. That's about all I can write without bawling right now. In a few days I will go into much more detail about why and all of that.

Mixed Bag of Emotions

My emotions are kinda all over the place right now. This is going to be a pretty short post...

On the positive side I got to see one of my all-time favorites last night - Dolly Parton. She was so much fun! She talked a ton, even talking about how much she was talking. Her voice sounded great too. I had a blast!

Then there's the other stuff going on. Abby's condition is degenerating slowly. Basically the $5000 surgery she requires only stops it from continuing, it doesn't necessarily "fix" her problem. She has a lot of difficulty getting in and out of the truck - I pretty much have to lift and lower her each time...145 pounds of dog. Needless to say, she pretty much stays home. Now she's getting to where she can't go up stairs.

I've contacted both the breeder and the Great Dane Rescue of North Texas. The breeder told me that she was going to do some research. I gave her the official diagnosis from the neurologist. She sent an email I believe she meant to send to someone else for advice where she gave the impression that the best option would be to euthanize her - in her best interest. She believes that her quality of life is not reparable.

I'm still waiting on the final word from her. Meanwhile I haven't heard anything from the GDRNT.

To continue with this theme, I need to find a home for Cobb (my cat), as well. I just can't handle the allergies anymore. I've kept her for so much longer (years) than I planned. It's only because she is the sweetest cat I know that she got to stick around as long as she did. But, I'm moving soon and I need to move into a place cat-hair and dander free. Anyone need a sweet, loving, 8 year old cat?

...ok, so the post wasn't that short...

Disneyland Again!!!

Well, it's only been a few months since we went to Disneyland, but it's time to go back. We've decided that this time we should go for the Fourth of July. Since the fourth is on a Friday this year we get a long weekend. I decided I needed a slightly longer one. We plan on leaving Thursday and returning on Monday. That's a lot of Disney!!!

Last time we only got one day at the park. This time we've decided to spend about a day and a half at Disneyland, a day at California Adventure, and one day at Universal Studios. I might be a drooling mess by Sunday evening, but it'll be a great weekend! I'm sooo excited...