Food Addiction

(NJ wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - except for the highway system - just stupid.)

So today I confronted my food addiction head on in one of the biggest personal triumphs I've had in a long time. I don't just eat food, I love to eat. I love everything about it. Well, I've been resisting moving up in pant size, but recently had to do it. I was just tired of being so uncomfortable all of the time, but it wasn't an excuse to give up the dieting (I'm always looking for excuses.) I have given myself no option, but to lose about 15 pounds.

I've had the hardest time disciplining myself this go-around. Today someone mentioned getting "Hunky's" hamburgers - one of my favorite hamburger joints. I've never resisted. Usually when Hunky's is mentioned I pretty much just throw the diet to the side and order whatever I want. So, going with my normal routine, I pulled up the menu.

Everything sounded so good, but the more I looked at the menu, the more guilt I felt. I started thinking about the negatives - the bloating, the heaviness, the guilt that would stay with me, and the self-sabotage I'm so good at. I was taught a long time ago that in order to overcome an addiction you have to remember the worst parts of it. Somehow, with my mouth watering and people ordering all around me, I resisted.

I gave my money and ordered a Jumbo iced tea - nothing else. They asked if I was sure I didn't want anything and I responded with, "I'm sure, but don't ask me again." As I walked to the kitchen to get a Slim-Fast I felt a couple of tears forming. I'm not being dramatic or joking here. I teared up at giving up Hunky's for lunch. I realized at that point that although I've always known I had a food issue I didn't realize how deep it ran emotionally. I've given up food I wanted before, many times, but this time was different.

I think I turned a corner today. I've had so much difficulty this time around. I haven't been able to figure out why I can't commit this time like I did when I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I just couldn't find that "thing" this time. I have been constantly looking for reasons and ways to break away from it. Today I got a really good look at the problem. I just have to deal with it the way I've dealt with other addictions. I saw something really ugly today and I think it's what I needed to make the switch.

Off to beautiflul NJ

Ok, so I'm not sure if I'm less excited about going to NJ or about attending this seminar. Last month I was spoiled by getting to go to a really fun seminar in San Diego/Tijuana. This weekend I will be attending what I'm predicting to be a very boring one.

Friday will be easy. We fly out at 9 am or so and don't have to be anywhere until cocktails and dinner that night. The actual seminar is Saturday, but I can assure you it won't be filled with games and fun challenges. Instead, we will be in hotel conference rooms sitting there with notebooks and pens trying not to fall asleep. Luckily that night we get cocktails and dinner again.

We fly out Sunday morning which is the nice thing. At least it's a short seminar. Don't get me wrong, I'm anxious to learn about a lot of the new products they've come out with. They have some beautiful stuff and I love my reps and all, but I also have had a bad run-in with the pissy queen who's running the event.

Just in case you're curious whose seminar I'm going to attend, here's a link to their website. Like I said, they have beautiful products, they can just be a little stuffy. But, I'll live and I'm sure I'll learn some stuff. Ugh...maybe it's the thought of going to NJ...

In a nutshell...

I know I haven't written anything in over a week. Not because nothing's happened, but because I just haven't felt like it. Since last Saturday, we've gone to see the Tut exhibit, eaten a lot of food, had a lot to drink, went to the Cottonwood Festival and bought glass, walked in the LifeWalk where sadly there are more straight people involved than gay (at least that's how it seemed), bought another piece of glass, bought 3 smaller pieces of glass, paid off all of my credit cards (got my bonus), had dinner with family, had dinner with friends for my birthday, drank a lot, went to see Religulous, spent too much money at Borders, have had about 4 or 5 negative things removed from my credit report...

So, yeah, there's been stuff to write about, I just haven't been feeling it for some reason.

Ok, just a note about Jeff's comment below. I realize that it isn't a gay illness. I used to do HIV/AIDS counseling and am well aware of the statistics. That being said, it has historically been the LGBT community that has led the fight. It's just sad to see how complacent so many people in the LGBT community have become.

Eleventh Hour

This is it - we're down to the wire! In total online donations, we have raised about $250,000 this year. Once offline donations are figured in we will probably be near where we were last year.

Believe me, I know that money has been tight this year for most. I just have to give it one more good push before the weekend. The walk will be this Sunday, Oct 5 and Mark and I will be there ready to go. If you know me at all then you'll understand how important this is for me if I'm willing to get outside and walk a few miles. It's huge!

I want to thank everyone who has donated so far. It has meant a lot to me personally.

I'm not going to spend time going on and on about what a wonderful charity this is because I've done that before and I do it on my fundraising page. I'll just say it's the only one that I dedicate so much time and energy to every year.

Please help if you can. I understand if you can't and I'll do my best not to hold it against you.

I love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to even consider this cause.

Texas State Fair2008

Ok, I'm going to let Mark tell you about the food, because while it was good, I was distracted by something altogether different. I'm going to start by saying I'm a very proud Texan (just ask Mark.) I love my state and take great pride in being from here. That said, there is more redneck, white trash running around this state and for one month out of the year they converge in Dallas at the State Fairgrounds.

I love people-watching, but what's really sad is that some of the vendors have misspelled signs on their booths. This one just struck me as funny...especially since there were at least 3 booths around this guy that got it right...

Overall we had a great time...just one word of advice - don't waste your time on the laser/pyrotechnic show, Illumination Sensation. It was just crap. The songs didn't really make sense or pertain to anything or anyone in particular and they certainly didn't transition very well. The laser images were just ok and the few fireballs and fireworks there were were just ok. If you've seen the show in the past, skip this one - you'll be highly disappointed. If you haven't seen it, skip it - you'll be highly disappointed. If you just need some time to rest and sit down, I'd suggest doing it in an air-conditioned building, not in the Esplanade.

Song of the South

I'll admit it, I love Disney's Song of the South! I saw it when it was released in theatres in the 80's and have always wanted it on dvd. Because of controversy it was never made for release in the US. After limited release in Europe it was pulled from shelves due to all of the controversy.

When Mark and I were riding Splash Mountain I realized that he didn't know the story of Br'er Rabbit. I explained as we were going through the ride and it made much more sense to him. It's hard to believe how many people have no idea about this movie, yet it's the theme of a major ride at Disneyland.

The only thing that I can see to be controversial is the Tar Baby - that's pretty bad for today's highly sensitive audiences. But, this movie was made in 1946. Everything else is fine - it's a movie about slaves and slave stories. I think to hide from this movie is sad - it's a beautiful movie and is one of the first major movies to combine animation and live-action.

Anyhoo...someone sent Mark a copy that was made from the laserdisc that was released in the 80's. We watched it last night and really enjoyed it. There were a couple of moments where we cringed a bit, but it was a great movie. I got online and was researching the movie when I discovered that it was again released and sold in Disney Paris, but this time was remastered for US dvd players. It's an official Disney release! So, I bought a copy.

I was always afraid that we would have this great Disney collection and always have a giant hole in it where Song of the South should be. Now we will have a complete collection!

Mark of the Beast

If this isn't proof of my true nature I don't know what is...

This hasn't been retouched or enhanced at all. There was a lot of glass tile on the table in front of us and I think it's just a reflection from the flash, but it didn't affect anyone else in the picture. Just weird...

What do you think?