17 pounds and counting!!!

I don't know that I've even mentioned that I was working on losing weight again. When my ex was living with me I'd gained back 30 pounds - obviously a stress eater. I was having a hard time fitting into any of my clothes and I refused to buy bigger clothes again. That was a promise I had made to myself when I threw them all out.

So, about a month ago I decided to go back to the one and only thing that has ever worked for me - Weight Watchers. I don't go to meetings or anything, I just count points and watch my portions. I've combined that with Slim-Fast and it seems to be working. I had to remind myself early on that this had been a long, slow process before, but that I had been able to lose 60 pounds before. This time I just had half of that to lose.

Once I get into the right mind-set, which takes me a couple of weeks, I don't want anything else. I do a reward meal or two during the week, but still don't give myself license to completely pig out. That's what has hurt in the past.

I'm not big on rules or on other people telling me what to do, so I've developed my own way of counting and portion control and in the month or so I've been doing this I've lost 17 pounds! My goal weight is around 190. I'm just over 200 now. It took me a long time to relax and accept 190 as a good goal weight, but the truth of the matter is, I like a little softness - guess that's why I'm part of the bear community. I just don't want to be flowing over my waistband. Love handles drive me crazy and I've had them my entire life.

When I was battling with a bout of anorexia at one point in my life, my love handles were a major motivation. I was 19 years old and I weighed about 150 with 135 being my goal. It wasn't until someone said they thought I had AIDS that I realized I must not look the same to people around me as I do in my head. When I diet I still have to watch listening to that little voice that says, "You've made it this far, let's see how much weight you can lose." It's hard to silence that little bastard once the weight loss really gets going.

So, now I'm babbling...the point is I've lost 17 pounds and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in my life as far as eating and/or socializing. It's great! I actually have more energy to do things that I need to do like organizing the loft. (Not that I'm very energetic - still on plenty of anti-anxiety medication that keeps that in check.)

OK, seriously...I'm done babbling...17 pounds!