I'm sitting here for the first time in my place alone after Abby passed away. I am overwhelmed by her loss. I spend most of my days in a daze. (huh, that sounds funny...) I am in complete disbelief that she is gone. It doesn't seem possible.
I didn't realize how much my life revolved around her. I didn't realize how much I thought about her throughout the day and looked forward to her greeting me at the door everyday. I miss her looming over me while I lay on the couch. I miss her trying to sit in my lap, her drooling on everything, her breathing in my face, her constantly being attached to my hip. I miss watching her try to play with Cobb - sticking her butt in the air and wagging her tail. I miss everything about her. I want to touch her again, smell her again.
I've been kind of just wandering around not really sure what to do. I don't want to think about the fact that I chose to have someone come to my home and put my baby girl to sleep and take her away. I'm sitting here looking at where her bed used to be in the living area - where her huge crate was in the corner. I got so used to having such a large presence around me all the time that now everything feels empty.
Now I'm crying too hard to keep writing. Maybe I'll write more later. I can't believe what I've done. I want my baby girl back.
Just Me
3 comments:
Steven,
I can't tell you how much I am hurting for you right now.
You are one helluva person-for the fact that you stepped up and are in such pain so Abby didn't have to be anymore.
If I thought any of it could have been different I would have been the first to tell you.
And I would have helped you too.
You will love and be drooled on again some day. Take this time to let your heart heal.
Kathy
Steven, spend as much time as you can with friends. Cry as much as you need to. You loved her, and you miss her. But you did the right thing for her. You feel terrible, of course, but it would have been wrong to have let her keep suffering.
Don't just sit at home and grieve. Try to get out and do things to distract yourself and let life go on. I know how much this hurts, but you have to let yourself heal. Abby loved you, and she would want you to take care of yourself! *hug*
what you've done is deal with a suck situation in the most compassionate and caring way possible.
what you've done is love her the best way anyone knows how.
what you've done was the right thing to do. few things hurt more.
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