Making Amends

There are several things I could write about this morning such as having to tow my truck to the shop on Sunday because it wouldn't start, setting up house (which I've written enough about), my repeated lesson about how I shouldn't drink as much as I do when I go out, etc etc etc. However, I need to write about something that I haven't written much about, if anything - making amends with Brian.

I'm not about to dish a bunch of gossip or divulge more information than is absolutely necessary. Honestly, it's nobody's business but the three people immediately involved. But, what happened Saturday night was difficult and healing and I felt the need to write about it.

Brian and I have not spoken or seen each other since he and Mark broke up. It isn't because of any animosity necessarily, it was more about respecting each other's needs at this time. He didn't know how he would react to seeing me for the first time, especially with Mark. We were going to give it time, let some wounds heal and then in a month or so, go to dinner. That's not how it happened.

Saturday night while at the Round-Up with Mark, Brandon and Dusty, and two of their friends I looked up and saw Ray. I smiled really big, gave him a big hug and then realized that if he was there, Brian was there. Looking around, I saw him saying hi to people, hugging and laughing. I froze - my stomach dropped. I didn't know what to do. Should I go up to him? Should I wait for him to come to me? The one thing I knew I wouldn't do is ignore him or try to hide.

I decided, after a few minutes and a shot, to approach him. I had to man up and own up to my role in everything. As I started toward him he looked up and stretched out his arms for a hug. We hugged for awhile, talking, healing. It made us both realize that after everything, we were going to be ok - all of us are. We stood around and talked for a bit while his entourage went off to dance. For the first time in a couple of months the three of us were standing together talking, and it was nice.

I love Brian very much and was really concerned about whether or not we could ever be comfortable with each other. Now I know that we can and will be. Everything is going to be alright.