Tomorrow, Feb 9, would have been Grandma's 79th birthday. Her absolute favorite thing to eat and coincidentally the last meal she had was Gumbo. So, tomorrow my mom and I (and whoever else wants to join) are going to eat a big bowl of Gumbo in her honor.
I just wish she was there to enjoy it with us. This has been so difficult, but luckily I've had tons of work to distract me. I worry about my mom. All she did for the past two months was take care of Grandma. Everyday she was at the hospital. Before that she was her primary caretaker whenever she was ill, going back to when she was first diagnosed with Cancer in 1994.
My mom was the one to drive her to MD Anderson in Houston after picking her up in Wichita Falls or in Gorum (depending on where she was living at the time.) She was the one to go to Wichita Falls to clean out 40 years worth of stuff and move Grandma to Gorum. Grandma was a very central part of her life and now that she's gone, I worry about her.
I only know the pain and hurt that I'm dealing with. I can't imagine what she is going through right now. Thankfully, I don't know what it's like to lose a parent and hopefully I won't find out for a long time. Just thinking about losing either one of my parents just hurts inside. I can't think about it for long without crying. So, I can't imagine what she's going through and feel like I can't even empathize with her.
I feel helpless.
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I felt the same way about Bill when his father passed away. All you can do, and you know this, is be there for your mom whenever she needs you. Even just eating Gumbo is helpful, I am sure.
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