To me, it's a matter of respect. A person's name is their identity. It goes deeper than merely a way to identify each other; names involve pride, ego, self-esteem. There have been studies that show how names influence your personality as well as the way other people look at you.
I can't stress enough...I am not a Steve. I am a Steven...and it's spelled with a "v", not a "ph". I have lived my life correcting people. For some reason, there are many people that assume it's ok to shorten people's names. Michael is Mike, David is Dave, Elizabeth is Liz or Beth...etc, etc, etc. If you are one of these people that shortens others' names, do you ask first?
It is incredibly rude to shorten someone's name without them telling you it's ok. Most people who don't mind going by the shortened version will actually correct you and tell you to call them by that. If someone doesn't give you the shortened version, don't automatically assume that it's ok to do it.
I'll be honest, when someone calls me Steve I typically lose interest in talking to them - mostly because of two things: 1) it's disrespectful and 2) it's assuming a familiarity that, if you are calling me that, definitely isn't there. Anyone who knows me well knows that it is absolutely not ok to call me Steve. So, if you do, you don't know me well enough to be shortening it anyway. There is one person who is allowed to use any variation on my name and that's Stacie - and even then it's a term of endearment and isn't used all the time.
My other pet peeve is the whole "v" vs. "ph" thing. If you are ever unsure of how someone spells their name - ask! I ask people all the time how to spell their names. I do it out of respect for them. Again, there is self-identity tied into the spelling of a name. It's not ok to make it up or assume how someone spells their name. Now, there are exceptions, of course.
We all know someone with an unusual spelling of a name. When I meet someone named Mark, I don't ask if it's spelled with a "k" or a "c". Why? Because "Marc" is so rare and is actually a shortened form of Marcus (usually). But there are certain names that are always spelled in multiple ways - Steven/Stephen, Catherine/Katherine/Katharine/Kathryn - just take the extra 10 seconds to verify it. In verifying someone's name you are also validating them and showing that you respect them.
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11 comments:
Wow. I thought I was anal about my name - Sean.
When asked how I spell it (which is a rare bit of courtesy I'm rarely afforded), I usually answer dryly with...
"The correct way."
AMEN! Although I love my name, and it's spelling, the time I spend correcting people is insane. And please don't shorten it to Kathy. I can't stand that name for myself. And it's brilliant when people assume I have just mispelled my own name....actually had someone tell me that.
Glad to know there are others that share the frustration.
Remind me when I meet you to discuss this blog entry. Sorry, but you are sooooo wrong on this one.
Wow, I feel so special! That Jackass dufus kinda jammed me up, though, so I don't think I call you that much any more.
Strangely, I think I'm lucky that there are so many ways to spell my name. Almost every time, I'm asked, "Is that with a 'y' or an 'ey'?" and I get to tell them that it's actually with an 'ie.' There is an initial look of confusion, then it seems like they're glad they asked. That makes two of us.
Btw, I'm on the braces diet now.
drama queen
There are so many important things in life that are more worthy of getting bent out of shape on----health, family....this deosn't seem to meet the test
My husband goes by his middle name (another whole issue) but his first name is Robert.
Sometimes people call him Bob and he's so clueless he'll actually look around to see who they are talking to. He once had a professor fail him for a class because "Bob" never answer the roll call.
I agree with you. It is rude.
Wow, definitely some folks out there who are CLUELESS about respect!
Before I reclaimed my nickname, I went by my middle name, which is, ironically, Stephen! It would drive me NUTS when they got the spelling wrong or called me Steve! GRRRRRR!!
As far as the "anonymous" folks who have reduced themselves to name calling and gutless posting, screw 'em. Bored bitter bitches trying to make the rest of the world as miserable as they are!
You go SteVeN, you know THIS StePHen has got your back!
Chipster
as far as respect I think it's just on the decline in general on every level.The way people drive talk respond etc.
a freind i mean friend
okay, so I have never left comments on either your or MarK's blogs, but thanks for the info hun... gonna use it on you some day. :-)
Had a great time at dinner last night.
FYI, Marc actually isn't a rare spelling around here (and not just because that's my partner's name), and, at least around here, it usually isn't short for Marcus. I guess that's a regional difference.
I can relate to your frustration, but at least people don't take the liberties with your name that some do with mine. My name has its origins in the Old Testament, and it was a male name long before it got used for women. The Old Testament... that's a pretty good length of time! (Jesse was King David's father.)
Even so, today, in response to an inquiry I sent, the ignoramus responding to my e-mail began her e-mail with "Hi Jessica!" I beg your fucking pardon?! Needless to say, I was not impressed.
With all of that said, it's not worth getting heated up over people being thoughtless. There are far too many thoughtless people. We're not going to change them, and the increased blood pressure just isn't worth it!
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