I'm nuts. I've known for a long time that I have pretty drastic mood swings, there's nothing new there. They've actually mellowed a little since adding Klonopin into the mix. They are usually driven by anxiety and Klonopin smooths that over. But this morning in the shower I started thinking through the past week, as I do, and realizing that it's not just my mood that changes, it's my personality.
I'm not saying I have Multiple Personality Disorder. I'm quite aware of the changes and there aren't individual identities. I don't experience blackout periods, instead I'm acutely aware of what's going on and kind of watch from the sidelines unable to say or do anything about it.
It frustrates people around me as well as myself. I will make drastic last minute changes to plans and then get upset when people don't go along with it. Day to day it almost feels like I'm a completely different person sometimes. I woke up this morning wanting something completely opposite of what I wanted yesterday or the day before. And then it goes back.
This sounds like I'm talking about a pair of shoes I might buy and then regret. It isn't that. It's fundamental beliefs about the world - my feelings on being alone, being in a relationship, monogamy vs non-monogamy, living in a loft vs living in a townhome, buying vs renting...everything. It's weird.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
you know, most people are dichotomous.
maybe you are, too, but instead of all mixed up like many, you let your sides take turns.
hmm, seems steven learned everything he needed to know in kinergarden a little too well.
Post a Comment