Moving Forward

Time to move on. I think this transitioning back to independence is putting my emotions all over the place. I've decided to put on my big girl panties and suck it up. I have very good friends out there that I have neglected over the past year because they weren't close by. I'm starting to seek them out and reconnect.

I'm starting to realize that people actually care for me more than I ever thought. That's a monumental realization for me. My entire life I've felt like I was only tolerated. I never felt like I completely fit in with any group - even my closest friends in Junior High and High School. I always felt a little bit like an outsider. I know now that it wasn't their alienation, but my own.

Well no more. I'm reaching out. I want to have friends, close friends to have parties with and take trips with. I have a very few close friends, but now I don't see why I couldn't have more. Granted, this happens slowly and over time, but the big change is that now I'm at least open to it whereas before I was scared of it.

So, I've planned 3 upcoming trips. Mid-April to visit friends in Austin and learn to quilt (yes, I'm that gay), Mid-March another reunion of friends like the one we had in August. The third is extremely exciting...the third is a trip with my parents (they're fun to hang out with) to Las Vegas to see Bette Midler. I'M SO EXCITED!!!

And there are more to come. Mark, Brian, and I have discussed Disneyland, Universal Studios, New Orleans...who knows. I know I'm also about to plan a trip to Seattle. I still have an unused ticket from last year. I have a cousin and a friend up there I'd love to visit.

So, things are looking up for 2008. My mood is improving (I love Klonopin) and in general I'm just getting a better, more normal grasp on life.