I realized something this morning...I hate feeling drugged up. It shows how far I've come from a couple of years ago. I spent 8 years of my life on crystal meth and coke in addition to valium and vicodin. I was always either up or down, but in both cases I was trying to numb myself to the world around me - and I was very successful.
There would be times that I would get a prescription for Lortab (legally) and take them all within a couple of days. I just didn't want to feel anything. Right now I have 3 bottles of the stuff sitting at home because I just don't need or want it. I hang on to it for those occasions where my back is killing me or something, but I've had a couple of those bottles for 6 months.
It is such a strange concept to me to want to feel everyday. Believe me, there are still plenty of days where I don't want to get out of bed, but instead of hiding in a bottle of pills, I work through it and get off my ass (usually).
Because I still crave coke and meth pretty regularly, I've spent most of my recovery focused on those drugs. I hadn't even thought about the pain killers until I was cleaning out the medicine cabinet and saw several bottles of them sitting there unused - and seeing all of them before me didn't arouse any cravings. I like the fact that I'm not living in a fog anymore. I can't believe I spent so many years just barely functioning. I've come along much further than I'd realized! It's a great day!
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I changed it to "Recovery", feel better? You make assumptions (which you do a lot when you comment) that the only way to recover from drug use is to follow AA. If that's what works for you, that's great! It is not what worked for me.
I also never said that I was the only one to experience this, but everyone's journey is his own. This was a big realization for me and you came along and shit all over it. Your kind of condescending support is a major reason AA/NA did not work for me.
Doesn't AA/NA require you to put faith in God or a higherpower? Isn't that the basis? I know that might work for many people and it does. I'm glad that it's helped scores of people out there.
AA and NA isn't for everyone. After knowing you this long, it's definately not something that would work for you. Relying on a higherpower? You were able to do it on your own. Some people who are in AA/NA don't believe that anyone CAN overcome anything without the help of the 12 step program.
I commend you on being able to stop. I commend you on the realizations you've had recently. The fact that you drink? Who cares. You don't have a problem with it, rarely do it and it's no one elses business.
I commend you on recognizing and facing head-on your addiction. Many people never do. While AA has helped thousands - my former partner included (for a while at least) - for many people the strength comes from within and from the support of their loved ones. It is an ongoing journey and you will always have my love and support. I am awfully proud to know you.
Steven, you need to ignore that asshole! Your journey is yours alone. My best friend is alcoholic, drug addictive & so on & so forth. I attended many AA mtgs w/ him to try to understand the issues he was dealing with & the journey he was taking. What I came away with was just what a group of lunatics these people tend to be @ AA. To be honest, I have no use for religion in general, as I view it as nothing more than a crutch for the masses. This was the same feeling I got from AA mtgs anywhere we attended. After going back & reading the previous commentor's blogs, I was again overwhelmed by that same feeling. He is preachy & dismissive & sounds like a complete idiot to me. Go with your gut, and make your own progress. Religion is the root of so much evil in this world.
Thank you Irv! Nice to hear I'm not the only one who views religion as a crutch! The only "higher power" I believe in is the best part of myself which doesn't go over well with AA! Thank god I had a shrink that understood that!
Good Luck with your continuing recovery. I have never been able to understand the allure of coke. My addiction is food. A very hard one to break.
You have so much to be proud of.
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