I've been writing the date a lot at work today and couldn't figure out why it was striking me as significant. I finally decided it was because Janet's birthday is exactly one month from today and she hasn't let anyone forget. Then it hit me like a brick wall.
Fourteen years ago today, Cari was found murdered. I had always hoped it would get easier with time. I don't know that it does. I think the only thing that makes it seem easier is that memories fade. When I sit down and focus on them though, they come flooding back and are filled with just as much emotion as 14 years ago.
Her death was a major turning point in my life. To have your best friend murdered at the age of 17 is devastating. Rather than focus on her death as so many articles have done recently with the execution of her murderer, I want to focus on her life. I will have to spend the next year purging courtroom images out of my head and replace them with happy memories. I've spent so many years focused on her death and its impact on my life, that I've buried many of the positive and wonderful things about her.
I promised her I would never forget her and that's exactly what I've done. I've spent a lot of time and energy focusing on anything but Cari. It's time for a change. By the 15th anniversary next year I will be able to write a fitting tribute and do justice to the memory of an incredible person - I'm determined.
Just Me
2 comments:
It must have been hard to experience something a horrific as this. I hope you can move forward. After reading your post about the execution of her murderer, I noted that you said you could not forgive him ever. It may help you to move forward if you forgive. The greater universe will take care of him, you must take care of yourself.
BTW, I enjoy your blog.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy it.
I probably need to really look at the word "forgive". It may not have been the right one. I still have so many mixed emotions about all of it that it gets confusing sometimes.
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