Food Addiction

(NJ wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - except for the highway system - just stupid.)

So today I confronted my food addiction head on in one of the biggest personal triumphs I've had in a long time. I don't just eat food, I love to eat. I love everything about it. Well, I've been resisting moving up in pant size, but recently had to do it. I was just tired of being so uncomfortable all of the time, but it wasn't an excuse to give up the dieting (I'm always looking for excuses.) I have given myself no option, but to lose about 15 pounds.

I've had the hardest time disciplining myself this go-around. Today someone mentioned getting "Hunky's" hamburgers - one of my favorite hamburger joints. I've never resisted. Usually when Hunky's is mentioned I pretty much just throw the diet to the side and order whatever I want. So, going with my normal routine, I pulled up the menu.

Everything sounded so good, but the more I looked at the menu, the more guilt I felt. I started thinking about the negatives - the bloating, the heaviness, the guilt that would stay with me, and the self-sabotage I'm so good at. I was taught a long time ago that in order to overcome an addiction you have to remember the worst parts of it. Somehow, with my mouth watering and people ordering all around me, I resisted.

I gave my money and ordered a Jumbo iced tea - nothing else. They asked if I was sure I didn't want anything and I responded with, "I'm sure, but don't ask me again." As I walked to the kitchen to get a Slim-Fast I felt a couple of tears forming. I'm not being dramatic or joking here. I teared up at giving up Hunky's for lunch. I realized at that point that although I've always known I had a food issue I didn't realize how deep it ran emotionally. I've given up food I wanted before, many times, but this time was different.

I think I turned a corner today. I've had so much difficulty this time around. I haven't been able to figure out why I can't commit this time like I did when I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I just couldn't find that "thing" this time. I have been constantly looking for reasons and ways to break away from it. Today I got a really good look at the problem. I just have to deal with it the way I've dealt with other addictions. I saw something really ugly today and I think it's what I needed to make the switch.