Thank you!!!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

I just received an email from LifeWalk. We raised $396,658!! That's almost $50K more than last year. The biggest surprise in the email was that I was 2nd place in individual donations! I had no idea.

Thank you again to everyone who donated! I have to say a special thank you to Jeff and Sean - you guys are amazing! I'm so excited right now.

On another note - it's Halloween and we're off to the ranch this weekend. I can't wait - we put on our "TinkerBear" costumes and I have to say we looked great - silly, but great! I'll make sure I have plenty of pictures for Monday.

Happy Halloween!!!

SNL Thursday

I can't seem to get my shit together enough to post anything substantial - not even about the Tina concert (amazing, as usual.) I've been working hard on our TinkerBear costumes all week. However, I think Tina Fey and Will Ferrell are genius so I had to throw this on there.

Weekend Update

So, we didn't go to the Halloween street party in the gayborhood last night. It turns out that neither one of us wanted to go, but were going because we thought the other wanted to. A little misstep in communication there, but we'll still be dressing up as Tinkerbears at the ranch.

So, yesterday we went to Carlyn Galerie for their Glass Show and to put down a deposit on a piece that Mark saw online and that I called and ordered. And of course, we had to get something else. Mark bought a beautiful "clam" shaped piece with 5 smaller pieces that fit inside. I bought a bowl that we'd both looked at numerous times over the past few months and was really inexpensive.

Last night we finally went to see Eagle Eye - incredible movie. When we got out I looked up and noticed that Max Payne was about to start in the theatre next to us. So we jumped theatres and went to see it at 11:00. I'm so glad we didn't pay for it. It was really a waste of time, but we wouldn't have known without going. Like I said though, I'm just glad we didn't pay anything.

Food Addiction

(NJ wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - except for the highway system - just stupid.)

So today I confronted my food addiction head on in one of the biggest personal triumphs I've had in a long time. I don't just eat food, I love to eat. I love everything about it. Well, I've been resisting moving up in pant size, but recently had to do it. I was just tired of being so uncomfortable all of the time, but it wasn't an excuse to give up the dieting (I'm always looking for excuses.) I have given myself no option, but to lose about 15 pounds.

I've had the hardest time disciplining myself this go-around. Today someone mentioned getting "Hunky's" hamburgers - one of my favorite hamburger joints. I've never resisted. Usually when Hunky's is mentioned I pretty much just throw the diet to the side and order whatever I want. So, going with my normal routine, I pulled up the menu.

Everything sounded so good, but the more I looked at the menu, the more guilt I felt. I started thinking about the negatives - the bloating, the heaviness, the guilt that would stay with me, and the self-sabotage I'm so good at. I was taught a long time ago that in order to overcome an addiction you have to remember the worst parts of it. Somehow, with my mouth watering and people ordering all around me, I resisted.

I gave my money and ordered a Jumbo iced tea - nothing else. They asked if I was sure I didn't want anything and I responded with, "I'm sure, but don't ask me again." As I walked to the kitchen to get a Slim-Fast I felt a couple of tears forming. I'm not being dramatic or joking here. I teared up at giving up Hunky's for lunch. I realized at that point that although I've always known I had a food issue I didn't realize how deep it ran emotionally. I've given up food I wanted before, many times, but this time was different.

I think I turned a corner today. I've had so much difficulty this time around. I haven't been able to figure out why I can't commit this time like I did when I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I just couldn't find that "thing" this time. I have been constantly looking for reasons and ways to break away from it. Today I got a really good look at the problem. I just have to deal with it the way I've dealt with other addictions. I saw something really ugly today and I think it's what I needed to make the switch.

Off to beautiflul NJ

Ok, so I'm not sure if I'm less excited about going to NJ or about attending this seminar. Last month I was spoiled by getting to go to a really fun seminar in San Diego/Tijuana. This weekend I will be attending what I'm predicting to be a very boring one.

Friday will be easy. We fly out at 9 am or so and don't have to be anywhere until cocktails and dinner that night. The actual seminar is Saturday, but I can assure you it won't be filled with games and fun challenges. Instead, we will be in hotel conference rooms sitting there with notebooks and pens trying not to fall asleep. Luckily that night we get cocktails and dinner again.

We fly out Sunday morning which is the nice thing. At least it's a short seminar. Don't get me wrong, I'm anxious to learn about a lot of the new products they've come out with. They have some beautiful stuff and I love my reps and all, but I also have had a bad run-in with the pissy queen who's running the event.

Just in case you're curious whose seminar I'm going to attend, here's a link to their website. Like I said, they have beautiful products, they can just be a little stuffy. But, I'll live and I'm sure I'll learn some stuff. Ugh...maybe it's the thought of going to NJ...

In a nutshell...

I know I haven't written anything in over a week. Not because nothing's happened, but because I just haven't felt like it. Since last Saturday, we've gone to see the Tut exhibit, eaten a lot of food, had a lot to drink, went to the Cottonwood Festival and bought glass, walked in the LifeWalk where sadly there are more straight people involved than gay (at least that's how it seemed), bought another piece of glass, bought 3 smaller pieces of glass, paid off all of my credit cards (got my bonus), had dinner with family, had dinner with friends for my birthday, drank a lot, went to see Religulous, spent too much money at Borders, have had about 4 or 5 negative things removed from my credit report...

So, yeah, there's been stuff to write about, I just haven't been feeling it for some reason.

Ok, just a note about Jeff's comment below. I realize that it isn't a gay illness. I used to do HIV/AIDS counseling and am well aware of the statistics. That being said, it has historically been the LGBT community that has led the fight. It's just sad to see how complacent so many people in the LGBT community have become.

Eleventh Hour

This is it - we're down to the wire! In total online donations, we have raised about $250,000 this year. Once offline donations are figured in we will probably be near where we were last year.

Believe me, I know that money has been tight this year for most. I just have to give it one more good push before the weekend. The walk will be this Sunday, Oct 5 and Mark and I will be there ready to go. If you know me at all then you'll understand how important this is for me if I'm willing to get outside and walk a few miles. It's huge!

I want to thank everyone who has donated so far. It has meant a lot to me personally.

I'm not going to spend time going on and on about what a wonderful charity this is because I've done that before and I do it on my fundraising page. I'll just say it's the only one that I dedicate so much time and energy to every year.

Please help if you can. I understand if you can't and I'll do my best not to hold it against you.

I love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to even consider this cause.