?

*SIGH*

Nevermind...

A Few Random Thoughts

I think I'm deciding against Accutane for the time being. After spending some time on message boards and doing a little more research, I don't know that I want to deal with all of it. I'm going to try the antibiotics and cleanser for a few months and see how that works. There are so many warnings and possible liver/kidney issues I don't want to risk it. I don't know what damage I did to my liver spending all of those years on drugs so I just think it would be wise not to risk it for now.

On a lighter note, I read an article yesterday about this year's State Fair food. It's no wonder that Americans, and Texans in general, are so freakin' fat. A few of this year's features: Fried Latte, Fried Guacamole, Fried Sweet Potato Pie, Fried Cookie Dough...the list goes on, but they all have one thing in common - FRIED FRIED FRIED. It's amazing that there aren't more heart attack deaths at the fair each year.

I have to go shopping for my nephew's birthday. He just turned 3. We're having a surprise party for him on Thursday. I know, a surprise party for a 3 year old. If that seems odd then you don't know this 3 year old. They were on vacation in CO this past week with my parents. He expected to get to the condo and be surprised with a party. He was disappointed, so my sister decided to go ahead and throw together an impromptu party. Anyone know where I can find dress up stuff for a boy? They have tons of that shit for girls, but I'm striking out looking for him.

A More Positive Post

So apparently I whine too much. Personally, I think anyone who doesn't like what I write about should just fuck off and not read it, but I guess my posts were a little down last week. There are two very positive things from the weekend to write about, so I'll put any other shit on the back burner and write a peppy fucking post.

Friday, Mark, Brian, and I went to the movies. It had been awhile so there were a lot of options. We chose Superbad. It is, by far, one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. The laughs were constant and it wasn't the same shit you see over and over. Seth Rogan is hilarious as an actor and a writer. I can't wait to see it again! I know I missed some parts because I was laughing so hard.

Saturday, Mark and Brian were at the ranch finishing up the deck. I stayed in town to get some stuff done around the house. That night I went to a new restaurant in the gayborhood called Frida's (named for Frida Kahlo). It was amazing! It is authentic central Mexican cuisine, not Tex-Mex. Unfortunately people will be disappointed because we just don't have much authentic Mexican cuisine around here.

Instead of chips and salsa we got a bowl of carrot and jicama julienned with some wonderful spices sprinkled on top. I had never had jicama before and was leery (I don't like trying new foods), but it was great! Very refreshing. I ordered a Diego-rita - scrumptious! But, I've been brain-washed and needed my chips, so we ordered tableside guacamole and chips. It was a little on the citrusy side, but good non-the-less. My entree consisted of pork tacos. The handmade tortillas were amazing as was the pork that was wrapped up inside. I never get desert, but when she said the words "Banana Bread Pudding" I was sold.

Can I just say??? Although everything was very good, I would go back for the bread pudding alone. In fact, I might have to do that tonight...hmmm...

Week of Doctors

I'm a slacker. I have no excuse. I just really haven't been in the mood to write this week. Mark, along with a couple of readers, have gotten on to me. I apologize. I'll do my best not to let it happen again.

This has been a week of doctor's visits. Monday I had a follow up podiatry visit. The joint in my big toe is constantly jamming when I walk due to my lovely, freakishly high arches. He decided to give me a cortisone shot in my joint to see if it would help. So far, so good. It could work for a few days, months, or years. Time will tell. He said if it doesn't work we can continue with repeated shots or surgery. The surgical option would consist of fusing the joint so I couldn't bend my toe at all. I would have to decide on the type of shoe I would want to wear for the rest of my life and the toe would be positioned in a way that accommodates that shoe. Anyone who knows me and my little shoe "addiction" knows that isn't even a remote option. I'd rather get cortisone shots the rest of my life.

Tuesday was my final appointment with the shrink. It was actually a pretty good appointment. We were able to say goodbye in a way that gave us both closure. It's hard saying goodbye to someone I've confided in for two and a half years - someone who's helped me overcome so many of my issues, including drug abuse. I owe him a lot as the only psychiatrist able to break down my walls and not give up on me. I will miss him, but I think it will be good to get a different perspective.

Today I saw the dermatologist. I have been graced with nodular acne my entire life and I'm tired of it. It makes me extremely self-conscious. I rarely swim in front of other people, rarely have my shirt off. Occasionally one of those little lovelies pops up on my face and I get to go around town feeling like a 14 year old kid. So, he wants to put me on Accutane. Ever heard of this stuff? I had. From what I remembered, the side effects outweighed the benefits. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and a cleanser to use while I make the decision about the Accutane. In order to assist me in the decision he gave me a binder of material to read. It reads like a horror novel. I'm very up in the air over it. The thought of never having acne again like I do is extremely appealing. The very close medical screening and supervision I would be under for the next 6-9 months is not that appealing - not to mention the rather long, terrifying list of permanent side effects.

Anyone have any experience with this crap?

Overhaul On the Loft

I think it's time to redo the loft. Last night I joined the 21st century and bought a flat-screen TV. Well, that led to a surround sound system and new pieces to my entertainment center. Now I'm trying to figure out the best way to set everything up for the best sound. Not to mention in a couple of weeks I'm getting a new bed and I'm thinking about replacing the couch.

I keep playing out different space plans in my head. The problems are:

• Cable outlets are spaced weird. In the ideal arrangement all TVs and computers would have to be plugged into the same outlet. That won't work because it weakens the signal.
• Not many electrical outlets and only one is convenient to a cable outlet.
• The outlets are located on a very thin shared wall, so the TV can't back up to the wall. The opposite wall is a 12" thick concrete wall, so no outlets can go there.
• The kitchen is in the middle of the space.
• The loft is long and narrow.

I think I'm going to end up entering everything into CAD and coming up with a design solution like I would in any other situation. I've just never done that with my own place before which, now that I think about it, probably has something to do with the fact that my place never feels or looks finished. It's always a "work in progress".

I'm about to sign another year lease so I guess it's time I plan out the space. Given my moving history (4 moves in 2006), I guess it's not hard to figure out why I don't want to put much effort into it. I've been at this place almost a year and really like it. I can't imagine what it would feel like if it actually looked finished!

Another WTF Moment

I know I haven't been writing regularly lately. Maybe it's my newest medication in conjunction with all of my others, I don't know, but I just find it hard to focus long enough to write something. Then, last night I was hanging out with Stacie and she told me about part of her horrible, miserable day that I felt I had to share. I'm still kind of dumbfounded.

Stacie had a friend pick her up while her car was in the shop yesterday. This friend, we'll call her Alice (from Go Ask Alice), needed to run some errands. Stacie started getting suspicious when she headed west on the highway and didn't seem to be slowing down. Alice told Stacie that she needed to run by Williams-Sonoma. She doesn't cook. Stacie asked her what she needed to do there and Alice responded, "whippits."

Alice is 34. What the hell is a 34-year old doing with whippits? I used to do whippits - in Junior High School. I don't know anyone who's done them since then, so imagine my surprise when Stacie told me about Alice buying several boxes at Williams-Sonoma then driving to another store to get more. She was concerned that they wouldn't sell them to her because it had only been a week since she'd bought them last.

I'm sorry, but What the Fuck?!? Whippits?!? Seriously? Am I the only one who thinks this is extremely pathetic for an adult to be doing? I mean, if you're going to have a drug addiction at least make it a good one!

Drained

Not in the mood tonight. Today I had a long emotional session with the shrink leading up to my last session with him. Next Tuesday it will be over - 2 1/2 years over. So today all we talked about is loss and mourning - how losing him brings up the losses I've been through. How it makes me want to close off and protect myself. So tonight I probably should write, but dammit, I just can't. I'm drained.