I'm going to start this off by saying that I'm non-partisan. I'm definitely on the left side of things, but I don't identify with any one political group or party.
My brother-in-law, who is more than a little conservative, sent me an email yesterday that infuriated me. It wasn't because of the subject matter which was drilling for oil on the Arctic National Wildlife Rescue (ANWR). That's a subject that people can argue until they're blue in the face - and have for years. Rather, it was the tone of the email.
It was in all capital letters talking about how Democrats and Liberals are lying about the refuge in their attempts to prevent drilling. The right-wing guys are pushing and pushing to drill for "precious oil" in an area that might, in total, yield enough to support 6 months to a year at most. Is that really worth it?
But again, that's not what this post is about. The email, instead of presenting facts, was angry and resorted to name-calling and over-exaggeration. It showed pictures of what it called a "wasteland" that wouldn't affect anything. (Environmentalists refer to this area as a coastal plain and tundra.) What stuck out in my mind more than anything was the tone.
Why is it necessary to take the attitude of "Us vs. Them"? Why spend so much effort slandering the "other side" instead of analyzing data and working together for a solution. I'm not saying that Democrats don't do the same thing, but I don't tend to see this type of thing as often from them as from the conservative Republicans.
It's the reason I don't claim either party. I feel like Switzerland. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know much about the whole ANWR issue, because I don't. My point here is that both parties need to get over this "Us vs. Them" attitude or it will just breed more and more anger and hatred. We know from experience that pitting Americans against other Americans doesn't yield good results. Sometimes I feel like we're on the verge of another civil war - Red States vs. Blue States...that's when I'm going to Canada.
To me, it's a matter of respect. A person's name is their identity. It goes deeper than merely a way to identify each other; names involve pride, ego, self-esteem. There have been studies that show how names influence your personality as well as the way other people look at you.
I can't stress enough...I am not a Steve. I am a Steven...and it's spelled with a "v", not a "ph". I have lived my life correcting people. For some reason, there are many people that assume it's ok to shorten people's names. Michael is Mike, David is Dave, Elizabeth is Liz or Beth...etc, etc, etc. If you are one of these people that shortens others' names, do you ask first?
It is incredibly rude to shorten someone's name without them telling you it's ok. Most people who don't mind going by the shortened version will actually correct you and tell you to call them by that. If someone doesn't give you the shortened version, don't automatically assume that it's ok to do it.
I'll be honest, when someone calls me Steve I typically lose interest in talking to them - mostly because of two things: 1) it's disrespectful and 2) it's assuming a familiarity that, if you are calling me that, definitely isn't there. Anyone who knows me well knows that it is absolutely not ok to call me Steve. So, if you do, you don't know me well enough to be shortening it anyway. There is one person who is allowed to use any variation on my name and that's Stacie - and even then it's a term of endearment and isn't used all the time.
My other pet peeve is the whole "v" vs. "ph" thing. If you are ever unsure of how someone spells their name - ask! I ask people all the time how to spell their names. I do it out of respect for them. Again, there is self-identity tied into the spelling of a name. It's not ok to make it up or assume how someone spells their name. Now, there are exceptions, of course.
We all know someone with an unusual spelling of a name. When I meet someone named Mark, I don't ask if it's spelled with a "k" or a "c". Why? Because "Marc" is so rare and is actually a shortened form of Marcus (usually). But there are certain names that are always spelled in multiple ways - Steven/Stephen, Catherine/Katherine/Katharine/Kathryn - just take the extra 10 seconds to verify it. In verifying someone's name you are also validating them and showing that you respect them.
I'm in awe - I don't know if I'm more in shock at the design or the ego of the designer. If they can pull this off I'm going to Dubai just to see it in person. They've accomplished some amazing architectural feats, but if they can do this they will completely revolutionize not only the skyscraper, but the way we view architecture.
I think I'm finally emerging from the depression I've been in for over a month now. The stress of a new relationship, a move, and Abby's death triggered a nice little bout of depression.
Before all of this happened I slept well, woke up early, had energy to get things done in the morning, and got to work early. I haven't had that in awhile. This morning I woke up at 6:15, jumped in the shower, took out Max - all before even making coffee. Then I made coffee, fixed breakfast, and did dishes. I'll be heading to Wells Fargo to make a withdrawal and then to Bank of America to make a deposit before heading to work.
Anyway, compared to yesterday, I feel more like myself. Things are looking up...
I'm back on all of my meds!!! It's been a few days and I'm feeling much better. I happened to miss a doctor's appointment and forgot to reschedule. When I went to get the prescriptions refilled I heard from my shrink. I made an appointment and he filled the prescriptions. I also had been taken off Accutane for a couple of weeks because my triglycerides spiked.
So - there I was, taking some pretty strong medications, some with pretty high doses, and I was off of them cold turkey. Needless to say, my body wasn't too happy. I felt "off" all last week, but by Thursday was pretty shaky and dizzy. Every time I stood up I felt like I would fall right over. My brain was having a lot of problem making certain connections. I wasn't in a happy place.
I started back Thursday night on everything. I was cleared to start taking Accutane again and all of my prescriptions were refilled. Friday I was a little wobbly still, but each day got a little better than the one before. Today I woke up feeling much better. I actually feel better than I did before I quit taking them. I'm tired (which is normal), but other than that I feel great.
Part of that could be that Mark and I are almost finished with the place. There are a few things here and there, but there always are.
My nephew will be 4 in August and I'm amazed at some of the things that he says sometimes. Sunday, while we were at my parents for Father's Day, he was being a little grumpy. My sister asked him what was wrong.
"I'm having a bad day," he said.
She asked him, "Why?"
"Because I want people to do things and they aren't doing them."
We all kind of laughed and I commented to my mom that I wished that's what my bad days consisted of. Then on the way home it hit me - that is what my bad days consist of. Think about it...why do we get annoyed or upset most of the time? Because people don't act the way we want or expect them to.
It made me realize how stupid and childish that is. It also made me realize that the root of all of our problems are very basic - so basic that a 3 year old can pinpoint it with much more accuracy than most adults. They just don't cover it up with bullshit excuses.
On a side note: Abe commented on my last entry, but I didn't post it because it had some of his personal info on it. He told me not to worry (um, ok) and that he would be in touch when he gets to his next stop.
Sunday, Abe was shipped off to Iraq for another tour. It's bad enough that he was leaving, but for it to be on Father's Day? They couldn't wait a day? You would think that if the Army was concerned about morale of it's troops it wouldn't separate families on a day set aside to celebrate them. Go Army...
Don't get me wrong - regardless of my feelings for the war, I fully support the men and women over there. There are more than a few who don't want to be there, but are making a sacrifice in the name of their country, no matter the reason we're there or their personal beliefs. That's something I couldn't do and I admire them for that.
I couldn't get enough hugs from Abe when I left the reunion in the Spring. We scheduled it then, instead of August, so that he could be there. I'm more worried this time than I was the last. I don't know if it's because I know more about what he does over there or what...I don't know...
I haven't found out anything about his assignment yet, but if it's anything like last time it's a very high risk one. He's a helicopter pilot and flew troops in and out of Baghdad. He's still a helicopter pilot of course, but I'm hoping he has a better assignment.
Most people know I'm not a religious person, but I am a believer in positive energy. If you already pray for a loved one over there or pray for the troops in general, please add Abe to your list. I know I'll be thinking about him every day he's there and sending out as much positive energy as possible.
I'm so sad to hear about Tim Russert. He made politics interesting and easy to understand. Whenever he was on TV I would stop and listen. The man had such a level head and I always marveled at how well he stayed in the middle politically regardless of who he was interviewing. He just had so much common sense.
I will miss watching him on Meet the Press on Sundays. My Sunday morning coffee won't be the same without him in the background explaining what was happening in the political world. I'm not exactly savvy in that arena, but with Russert I actually felt like I understood more of what was going on.
Not to mention that this is the most interesting political year in decades. Very sad that he doesn't get to see it play out.
I haven't been to the Ranch since Halloween. I'm very excited to be getting back there as well as just excited to get out of town. It's been a very long couple of weeks with all of the moving and what-not. I've wanted to get out into the woods ever since I lost Abby. I'm sure I'll do a lot of thinking about her this weekend and do a lot of crying to myself, but I need to get some of it out.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on having a great weekend. Brandon and Dusty are going with us and we're just going to relax, drink, visit, whatever. It'll be nice to get back and see everyone from the Ranch that we don't see out and about in town. I also haven't seen it since they finished all of the new sites. I really hope that someday we'll be able to at least get a trailer to store if not a spot. But, that also may have to wait. We're really wanting to get out of debt and get money saved up so we can relax with a little cushion. We'll see...
Either way, I'm happy to be getting out of town this weekend.
Unicorns really do exist! Not in the form of a horse, but a deer. Apparently this is rare, but not unheard of. You have to wonder if this is the source of the legends...
There are several things I could write about this morning such as having to tow my truck to the shop on Sunday because it wouldn't start, setting up house (which I've written enough about), my repeated lesson about how I shouldn't drink as much as I do when I go out, etc etc etc. However, I need to write about something that I haven't written much about, if anything - making amends with Brian.
I'm not about to dish a bunch of gossip or divulge more information than is absolutely necessary. Honestly, it's nobody's business but the three people immediately involved. But, what happened Saturday night was difficult and healing and I felt the need to write about it.
Brian and I have not spoken or seen each other since he and Mark broke up. It isn't because of any animosity necessarily, it was more about respecting each other's needs at this time. He didn't know how he would react to seeing me for the first time, especially with Mark. We were going to give it time, let some wounds heal and then in a month or so, go to dinner. That's not how it happened.
Saturday night while at the Round-Up with Mark, Brandon and Dusty, and two of their friends I looked up and saw Ray. I smiled really big, gave him a big hug and then realized that if he was there, Brian was there. Looking around, I saw him saying hi to people, hugging and laughing. I froze - my stomach dropped. I didn't know what to do. Should I go up to him? Should I wait for him to come to me? The one thing I knew I wouldn't do is ignore him or try to hide.
I decided, after a few minutes and a shot, to approach him. I had to man up and own up to my role in everything. As I started toward him he looked up and stretched out his arms for a hug. We hugged for awhile, talking, healing. It made us both realize that after everything, we were going to be ok - all of us are. We stood around and talked for a bit while his entourage went off to dance. For the first time in a couple of months the three of us were standing together talking, and it was nice.
I love Brian very much and was really concerned about whether or not we could ever be comfortable with each other. Now I know that we can and will be. Everything is going to be alright.
I've had quite a bit of attitude this week at work. In addition to the emotional rollercoaster I've been on this month, I think I'm just tired of people's shit and I've been calling them on it. My main argument this week has been with one of my suppliers. Basically, he's an asshole and he thinks the same about me. He royally screwed up an order of mine and then screwed up the reorder. I was thrilled as you can probably imagine. He told me it was kharma because I'm such a bad person. WTF?!?
After letting him know that I have many suppliers and have great relationships with all of them and that I want us to get passed this and salvage a working relationship, he has only ignored me. Can you get anymore childish? So, until I hear back from him and have his support again, I will refrain from selling his stuff. It's really stupid, but I feel like it's the only way to get his attention - hit him in the pocketbook.
My other issue has been with people bitching about freight charges. Does anyone watch the news? When you buy 5000 pounds worth of stone and it's coming from NJ, it might be a little expensive. Right now, it takes about $1400 to fill up a semi with gas. Fleets are cutting back the number of trucks out there, so fewer trucks mean higher prices. Makes sense to me.
I had an order yesterday and the freight was $1800. Sounds high, and it is, but we get a discount on our freight charges and we pass that along. It's over 70% in savings. I ran the same freight quote without signing into our account and it came back somewhere around $5500. So, yes, freight is crazy expensive right now, but Jesus...don't get mad at me about it.
After 3 complaints on freight charges yesterday alone I decided to do the above research and passed it on to everyone at work. We needed a response to what's become the most frequently asked question.
I know I haven't written in awhile, but I've been exhausted. We've been setting up house every day this week and I'm worn out. Our goal is that by next week we can start in on a normal routine. I'm crossing my fingers.
I've had a few Abby nightmares lately. They're very disturbing - basically the gist is that Abby didn't die and I had to make the decision all over again and look her in the eyes again, but with all of the guilt I feel now added in. Awful - and it was one of those nightmares that just never ends.
So, with restless sleep and lots of manual labor this week, I'm beat. Done. I can't wait for the first week that I can be lazy and do nothing...
