?

*SIGH*

Nevermind...

A Few Random Thoughts

I think I'm deciding against Accutane for the time being. After spending some time on message boards and doing a little more research, I don't know that I want to deal with all of it. I'm going to try the antibiotics and cleanser for a few months and see how that works. There are so many warnings and possible liver/kidney issues I don't want to risk it. I don't know what damage I did to my liver spending all of those years on drugs so I just think it would be wise not to risk it for now.

On a lighter note, I read an article yesterday about this year's State Fair food. It's no wonder that Americans, and Texans in general, are so freakin' fat. A few of this year's features: Fried Latte, Fried Guacamole, Fried Sweet Potato Pie, Fried Cookie Dough...the list goes on, but they all have one thing in common - FRIED FRIED FRIED. It's amazing that there aren't more heart attack deaths at the fair each year.

I have to go shopping for my nephew's birthday. He just turned 3. We're having a surprise party for him on Thursday. I know, a surprise party for a 3 year old. If that seems odd then you don't know this 3 year old. They were on vacation in CO this past week with my parents. He expected to get to the condo and be surprised with a party. He was disappointed, so my sister decided to go ahead and throw together an impromptu party. Anyone know where I can find dress up stuff for a boy? They have tons of that shit for girls, but I'm striking out looking for him.

A More Positive Post

So apparently I whine too much. Personally, I think anyone who doesn't like what I write about should just fuck off and not read it, but I guess my posts were a little down last week. There are two very positive things from the weekend to write about, so I'll put any other shit on the back burner and write a peppy fucking post.

Friday, Mark, Brian, and I went to the movies. It had been awhile so there were a lot of options. We chose Superbad. It is, by far, one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. The laughs were constant and it wasn't the same shit you see over and over. Seth Rogan is hilarious as an actor and a writer. I can't wait to see it again! I know I missed some parts because I was laughing so hard.

Saturday, Mark and Brian were at the ranch finishing up the deck. I stayed in town to get some stuff done around the house. That night I went to a new restaurant in the gayborhood called Frida's (named for Frida Kahlo). It was amazing! It is authentic central Mexican cuisine, not Tex-Mex. Unfortunately people will be disappointed because we just don't have much authentic Mexican cuisine around here.

Instead of chips and salsa we got a bowl of carrot and jicama julienned with some wonderful spices sprinkled on top. I had never had jicama before and was leery (I don't like trying new foods), but it was great! Very refreshing. I ordered a Diego-rita - scrumptious! But, I've been brain-washed and needed my chips, so we ordered tableside guacamole and chips. It was a little on the citrusy side, but good non-the-less. My entree consisted of pork tacos. The handmade tortillas were amazing as was the pork that was wrapped up inside. I never get desert, but when she said the words "Banana Bread Pudding" I was sold.

Can I just say??? Although everything was very good, I would go back for the bread pudding alone. In fact, I might have to do that tonight...hmmm...

Week of Doctors

I'm a slacker. I have no excuse. I just really haven't been in the mood to write this week. Mark, along with a couple of readers, have gotten on to me. I apologize. I'll do my best not to let it happen again.

This has been a week of doctor's visits. Monday I had a follow up podiatry visit. The joint in my big toe is constantly jamming when I walk due to my lovely, freakishly high arches. He decided to give me a cortisone shot in my joint to see if it would help. So far, so good. It could work for a few days, months, or years. Time will tell. He said if it doesn't work we can continue with repeated shots or surgery. The surgical option would consist of fusing the joint so I couldn't bend my toe at all. I would have to decide on the type of shoe I would want to wear for the rest of my life and the toe would be positioned in a way that accommodates that shoe. Anyone who knows me and my little shoe "addiction" knows that isn't even a remote option. I'd rather get cortisone shots the rest of my life.

Tuesday was my final appointment with the shrink. It was actually a pretty good appointment. We were able to say goodbye in a way that gave us both closure. It's hard saying goodbye to someone I've confided in for two and a half years - someone who's helped me overcome so many of my issues, including drug abuse. I owe him a lot as the only psychiatrist able to break down my walls and not give up on me. I will miss him, but I think it will be good to get a different perspective.

Today I saw the dermatologist. I have been graced with nodular acne my entire life and I'm tired of it. It makes me extremely self-conscious. I rarely swim in front of other people, rarely have my shirt off. Occasionally one of those little lovelies pops up on my face and I get to go around town feeling like a 14 year old kid. So, he wants to put me on Accutane. Ever heard of this stuff? I had. From what I remembered, the side effects outweighed the benefits. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and a cleanser to use while I make the decision about the Accutane. In order to assist me in the decision he gave me a binder of material to read. It reads like a horror novel. I'm very up in the air over it. The thought of never having acne again like I do is extremely appealing. The very close medical screening and supervision I would be under for the next 6-9 months is not that appealing - not to mention the rather long, terrifying list of permanent side effects.

Anyone have any experience with this crap?

Overhaul On the Loft

I think it's time to redo the loft. Last night I joined the 21st century and bought a flat-screen TV. Well, that led to a surround sound system and new pieces to my entertainment center. Now I'm trying to figure out the best way to set everything up for the best sound. Not to mention in a couple of weeks I'm getting a new bed and I'm thinking about replacing the couch.

I keep playing out different space plans in my head. The problems are:

• Cable outlets are spaced weird. In the ideal arrangement all TVs and computers would have to be plugged into the same outlet. That won't work because it weakens the signal.
• Not many electrical outlets and only one is convenient to a cable outlet.
• The outlets are located on a very thin shared wall, so the TV can't back up to the wall. The opposite wall is a 12" thick concrete wall, so no outlets can go there.
• The kitchen is in the middle of the space.
• The loft is long and narrow.

I think I'm going to end up entering everything into CAD and coming up with a design solution like I would in any other situation. I've just never done that with my own place before which, now that I think about it, probably has something to do with the fact that my place never feels or looks finished. It's always a "work in progress".

I'm about to sign another year lease so I guess it's time I plan out the space. Given my moving history (4 moves in 2006), I guess it's not hard to figure out why I don't want to put much effort into it. I've been at this place almost a year and really like it. I can't imagine what it would feel like if it actually looked finished!

Another WTF Moment

I know I haven't been writing regularly lately. Maybe it's my newest medication in conjunction with all of my others, I don't know, but I just find it hard to focus long enough to write something. Then, last night I was hanging out with Stacie and she told me about part of her horrible, miserable day that I felt I had to share. I'm still kind of dumbfounded.

Stacie had a friend pick her up while her car was in the shop yesterday. This friend, we'll call her Alice (from Go Ask Alice), needed to run some errands. Stacie started getting suspicious when she headed west on the highway and didn't seem to be slowing down. Alice told Stacie that she needed to run by Williams-Sonoma. She doesn't cook. Stacie asked her what she needed to do there and Alice responded, "whippits."

Alice is 34. What the hell is a 34-year old doing with whippits? I used to do whippits - in Junior High School. I don't know anyone who's done them since then, so imagine my surprise when Stacie told me about Alice buying several boxes at Williams-Sonoma then driving to another store to get more. She was concerned that they wouldn't sell them to her because it had only been a week since she'd bought them last.

I'm sorry, but What the Fuck?!? Whippits?!? Seriously? Am I the only one who thinks this is extremely pathetic for an adult to be doing? I mean, if you're going to have a drug addiction at least make it a good one!

Drained

Not in the mood tonight. Today I had a long emotional session with the shrink leading up to my last session with him. Next Tuesday it will be over - 2 1/2 years over. So today all we talked about is loss and mourning - how losing him brings up the losses I've been through. How it makes me want to close off and protect myself. So tonight I probably should write, but dammit, I just can't. I'm drained.

English Is Required

JEEBUS!!

I'm not against immigration. However, I would never consider moving to a country where I didn't know the language enough to function. Apparently the McDonald's next to my work hired a new crew of Spanish-only speakers. Personally if I was hiring someone to work the drive-thru in an American city, English would be a requirement - and not just passing English, but fluent.

The girl at the drive-thru barely had passing English. I'm willing to bet that she is currently enrolled in English as a Second Language classes. Therefore, she would not be the best pick to work a system that makes it difficult to understand even American-born English speakers. All I wanted was a large UNsweet iced tea. That's it. Not rocket science.

"Large sweet tea, is that all?"

"No, a large UNsweet tea."

"OK, a large sweet tea."

"NO! an UNsweet tea. No sugar. Plain iced tea. Not sweetened."

"Large sweet tea. Come to the window."

So I get to the window and there is a guy standing there clarifying everything. I told him Unsweet tea and he corrected the order and took my money. Little did I know the incompetency was just beginning. I pulled to the second window.

The girl at the window was putting my drink into a drink carrier as I pulled up. One drink. In a drink carrier. I told her it wasn't necessary, then she handed me my drink. OK, I have a "thing". When someone hands me a drink through the window I prefer that the drink be on the inside of the cup, not all over the outside.

I understand that sometimes it is hard to get all of the drink into the mouth of the cup - I'm not insensitive to the special needs of some people. But if that should happen, at least have the sense to wipe it off before handing it through the window. It wasn't like it was hard to miss. Seriously, the cup was covered in tea. So, I asked for a napkin to wipe off the cup.

"Huh?"

"Can I have a napkin to wipe off the cup. It's covered in tea."

"What?"

"A NAPKIN!"

At this point she turned to her manager who asked me what I needed. I told him and before giving me my napkin he explained to the girls that they should wipe off the cups. I just wanted my fucking napkin. I didn't want to sit there listening to this little training moment. I was already late. After the little speech, the girl at the window looked at me blankly like she'd never seen me before.

"Napkin"

There was a faint recognition and the manager handed me a napkin. As I pulled away from the window I took a sip. SWEET FUCKING TEA!!!

Foot Update

So I think the last time I wrote anything about my foot, the diagnosis was gout. Well, 3 months later the pain is still there. I saw a podiatrist last week and he diagnosed me with tendinitis. Not too bad - I get to wear a pretty shoe (that's sarcasm for those that didn't catch it) and take anti-inflammatory meds for awhile. There's a catch though - tendinitis doesn't cause the pain in the top of my toe. Hmmm...

Looking at my x-rays we discovered that the inside of my foot is higher than the outside causing the joint at my big toe to rub together. The good news is that it's something that can be fixed. The bad news? My arch is so high it would be very difficult to correct. It would require wearing an insole that combined with my high arch would make it very difficult to wear shoes. So, looks like I just get to deal with that pain - while it isn't awful, it's annoying.

I wore the shoe for a few days and while it helped with the tendinitis, it caused more pain in the joint. I haven't worn the shoe now for a couple of days and feel ok. Maybe the anti-inflammatory is taking care of it. Then again, maybe I'm just making it worse. I might need to call the doc...

Reunion Weekend

I had the most amazing weekend. All of my friends from High School along with their children decided we needed to get together. We rented a house on Lake LBJ and got together for 4 days. I had forgotten how much I loved all of these guys.

The weekend was full of food and drinking (of course), as well as games and great conversation. We all took turns making meals and just relaxed. It was such a comfortable feeling to be surrounded by the people that I've seen and done so much with and who I've known for so many years.

I met most of these guys in Junior High where we formed our little group of misfits. A couple of them I met in Kindergarten and 1st Grade. That's a long time and a lot of shit to stick through with some of the same people. My connections and attachments to them are permanent and only grow stronger over the years.

There are many more pictures on my flickr site as well as our group flickr site. I can't wait until next year. I just hope we're able to do it before June - maybe Spring Break. Abe (in top picture w/ me) is returning to Iraq next June and I would hate for him to miss out on the next gathering.

I'm on my way back

It was a great, exhausting weekend. I am working on recovering and getting back into the swing of things. There will be a post and pictures later tonight.

Heading Out

There are way too many reasons why I haven't written in a couple of days. Right now I can't go into any of them. I'm just going to say I'm tired of my current living situation. I need a change. I'm also on some pain meds for a pulled tendon (or something) and have to wear a foot immobilizer. So, I may just be overly sensitive right now.

I'm heading out this weekend for a reunion camping trip with a bunch of my friends from high school. I'm really looking forward to getting away from my life for a few days and spending it with people I've known for 20 years or so. It allows me for a brief period to forget all of the shit that's happened in the few years since high school and just enjoy myself and friends.

The Dog Revolution Has Begun!!!

This is scary. The dog revolution has officially begun. At first I thought it was just a harmless joke.

Want proof?

Great Dane Shoots Owner

Good thing I don't keep a gun in the house. I just hope Abby doesn't get any ideas.